The evening did not start well. He shot at something in the Maelstrom. It must have been a stupid shot, because he won’t tell me what he shot at.

He missed. Poof. After insurance, about 30 million ISK down the drain.

We kept hunting. Came upon an Atron in Amarr.

It was just hanging at a stargate, pilot snoozing like they do. Cargo scanner showed a couple of mutherfrackin’ +5 implants and a ton of tags. Market said it was close to a quarter billion ISK in cargo.

Jim said “You wait right here. I’ll be back.”

And he went and got a Thrasher. Atrons can be tough little frigates and he didn’t want to miss this one, so I think he spent six or seven million fitting it out all Tech II. But about five minutes later, he was back. Atron pilot was still snoozing.

One shot, one kill. All goodies dropped, I scooped. I love it when a salvage op comes together:

2010.08.12 03:04:00

Victim: Driver M
Corp: University of Caille
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Atron
System: Amarr
Security: 1.0
Damage Taken: 805

Involved parties:

Name: Jim Bridger (laid the final blow)
Security: 2.7
Corp: Steel Fleet
Alliance: Important Internet Spaceship League
Faction: NONE
Ship: Thrasher
Weapon: 280mm Howitzer Artillery II
Damage Done: 805

Destroyed items:

1MN MicroWarpdrive I
Small Auxiliary Thrusters I, Qty: 3
Overdrive Injector System II

Dropped items:

Small Capacitor Battery II
Overdrive Injector System II
Small Standard Container (Cargo)
Ocular Filter – Improved (In Container)
Republic Fleet High Captain Insignia I, Qty: 84 (In Container)
Republic Fleet Captain Insignia I, Qty: 10 (In Container)
Neural Boost – Improved (In Container)

Jim tells me that the Amarr market buy order offer prices on the loot that dropped was about 242 million ISK. Of course I expect Ironfleet’s cut to arrive any day now…

I like Jim’s opening volley, not bad for a destroyer:

[ 2010.08.12 03:04:07 ] (combat) Your group of 280mm Howitzer Artillery II hits Driver M (Atron), doing 805.6 damage.

And then, of course, there was the big story a few days ago about the Kestral that got popped in Jita with 74 Plex on board. (22 billion ISK, six and a half years of game time, $1,200 U.S. dollars. On autopilot. Piloted — if you can call it that — by the CEO of an alliance at war. Durr….)

Now there are ideas in EVERYBODY’S head.

So there’s a public jump clone facility in the corridor outside the Ironfleet hangars in our main base near Jita. It’s dusty and mostly unused, but yesterday it made a funny whiirr-thump, whiirr-thump noise as I was drinking my afternoon coffee and perusing my copy of The Citadel Times. About ten minutes later, Jim Bridger walked into my office like he hadn’t been gone for a year, sat down on my couch, put his goopy wrinkled bare clonefeet up on my desk, and spoke a line from an ancient Arth movie: “Cletus, I’m bored.”

It turned out he was feeling the weight of his security status and wanted to engage the services of Ironfleet Towing and Salvage to do a spot of loot pickup, just in case he should “accidentally” get a little bit twitchy with his artilleries somewhere in high security space. He’s got a Maelstrom with eight very large artillery cannons (somebody once said you could fire a Volkswaagon out of one, but I don’t know what that is, some kind of pre-space Arth personnel transporter I think) and Jim is a master with an artillery cannon. He’s of the opinion that he could one-volley the average hauler on autopilot, and all he needs to do is find one loaded with appropriately valuable cargoes. It’s a little bit shady, but hey, there’s a space recession going on, or didn’t you hear?

So I had the hangar crew dust off an old Bustard I like to call the “Grab ‘n Go” and spent much of the day following Jim around while he scanned the cargos of autopiloting Badger IIs. He didn’t find the perfect one, but he did dock up and switch into a cheap Thrasher named Popcorn (nothing but T1 guns and T1 gyros) when he found a shuttle sitting neglected in space in Jita. The pilot was sound asleep, slumped forward with his face mashed against the forward view port, drool and snot kinda oozing across the plexi; and a cargo scan revealed one implant aboard worth about 20 times the ship Jim was flying.

Jim’s trigger finger twitched when it shouldn’t have ought to have:

2010.08.11 00:34

Victim: terror generation
Corp: The Last Crusaders
Alliance: None
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Gallente Shuttle
System: Jita
Security: 0.9
Damage Taken: 557

Involved parties:

Name: Jim Bridger (laid the final blow)
Security: 4.0
Corp: Steel Fleet
Alliance: Important Internet Spaceship League
Faction: NONE
Ship: Thrasher
Weapon: 250mm Light Gallium I Cannon
Damage Done: 557

Destroyed items:

Hardwiring – Zainou ‘Gypsy’ KMB-50 (Cargo)

Sadly, the implant did not survive the ensuing kaboomski event.

Also, not a good idea, cost him a ship:

2010.07.14 22:01:00

Victim: silverxlight
Corp: Qualitech Holdings and Investment Conglomeration
Alliance: Kuroichi Heavy Industries
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Retriever
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 1682

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Havoc Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1668

Name: Guristas Arrogator / Guristas
Damage Done: 14

Destroyed items:

Plagioclase, Qty: 6266 (Cargo)
Mining Drone I (Drone Bay)
Expanded Cargohold I
Strip Miner I, Qty: 2

Dropped items:

Scordite, Qty: 3787 (Cargo)
Mining Drone I (Drone Bay)
Expanded Cargohold I
Survey Scanner I

2010.07.08 23:53:00

Victim: Vordi
Corp: Science and Trade Institute
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Osprey
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 6897

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Havoc Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 6646

Name: Guristas Imputor / Guristas
Damage Done: 251

Destroyed items:

Rich Plagioclase, Qty: 691 (Cargo)
Expanded Cargohold II
Tungsten Charge S, Qty: 100 (Cargo)
Small Shield Booster I
Sabretooth Light Missile, Qty: 23
Small Capacitor Booster I
Mining Drone I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)
Small Energy Neutralizer I (Cargo)

Dropped items:

Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 2
Miner I, Qty: 3
1MN Afterburner I
Assault Missile Launcher I
Mining Drone I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)

I’ll say this for him. It took a while, and he did not blubber.

He lost.

He commenced to whine in local. Amaya is a Hulk pilot who saw the race:

[18:31:52] Timeless eQuinox > fucking
[18:31:53] Timeless eQuinox > jew
[18:31:56] Timeless eQuinox > just took all my
[18:31:57] Timeless eQuinox > ore
[18:32:02] Marlenus > Oh, how lovely, a racist
[18:32:08] Timeless eQuinox > eat a dick
[18:32:10] Timeless eQuinox > bitch
[18:32:13] joydivisionn > racist…
[18:32:47] Marlenus > a racist misogynist no less
[18:32:49] joydivisionn > ban hammer…
[18:33:51] Amaya Mizumaki > he isn’t racist he is mocking you for religous beleifs not genetics
[18:34:09] joydivisionn > lol
[18:34:12] Amaya Mizumaki > and besides last i checked we were all humans so we are all one race
[18:34:29] joydivisionn > fucking jew is racist
[18:34:35] joydivisionn > he will be reported
[18:34:38] Timeless eQuinox > cool
[18:34:43] Timeless eQuinox > hes a fucking nigger also
[18:34:50] Marlenus > Thanks Joy, saves me the trouble
[18:34:54] Amaya Mizumaki > /emote shakes her head
[18:35:08] Amaya Mizumaki > your all idiots
[18:35:30] joydivisionn > hahaha
[18:36:07] joydivisionn > timeless is the idiot here
[18:36:34] Amaya Mizumaki > sorry ill stick with “your all”
[18:36:37] Timeless eQuinox > i rather be an idiot then a nigger/jew
[18:36:47] joydivisionn > see….
[18:36:48] Amaya Mizumaki > timeless stop
[18:36:54] Timeless eQuinox > like the Marlenus faggot
[18:37:02] joydivisionn > he proves his own idiotcy
[18:37:05] Marlenus > Racist and a homophobe, lol
[18:37:05] Amaya Mizumaki > /emote sighs
[18:37:20] Timeless eQuinox > whatever fuck this

And just like that, he logged.

It was, too.

So there I was in the Kaimon belts, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a feller named SirCoWart of Fanatic’s Inc. [FANS]. He was mining in a Raven battleship and jetting his ore into a can, alternating between tech one mining drones and tech one combat drones. I had to look. Yes, he was all of one month and five days old.

If there was ever a mining battleship that I could kill in my combat Crane, it would be this one. Breaking the tank with one heavy missile launcher, that’s always going to be the problem. But who is to say that he has a tank at all?

The attempt, it must be made. It may cost me a Crane, but unless he’s specifically tackle fit and baiting for ruffians like me, I ought to have speed on him and be able to get away regardless.

So, in to his can, flip his can, and hit the orbit button. He wastes no time in locking me up and firing at me with what feels like a couple of cruise missiles. Tickles, but not painful. For me it’s turn on the warp disruptor and heavy missile, away!

Of course, he’s in a corp, and my biggest worry is that he’ll summon friends. So I’m watching local like a fanatic. Meanwhile, he’s showing no sign of active tank, and my missiles are chewing nicely through his passive regen. My own passive regen does the trick until he launches his drones, and then I need a few rep cycles. But he just plain doesn’t have the DPS to break my tank. I can do this until I run out of missiles. Phew!

When his shields drop to about 20%, he turns on a booster. Oddly, it doesn’t have the oomph to fill him back up; even when I pause to reload missiles, he doesn’t get back to full, though he gets close. We go through several cycles of this, and each time, his shields are lower. It’s a near thing, but I feel like I am indeed getting ahead of his tank.

What’s more, his time to summon friends is running out — looking at the timers, his corp aggro against me is down to its last minute. If something doesn’t happen soon, he’s going to be toast, and I’m going to have the kill of my Crane career.

Finally, he realizes he’s got a problem, and commences to beg in local for some assistance:

[22:40:59] SirCoWart > anyway wanna help me kill this pirate in Kaimon 3 belt 3 ?

Of course I deny being a pirate and explain that I plan to keep shooting until I run out of missiles. I might have been better off staying silent, because two things happened pretty much simultaneously, either one of which were fatal to my evil plan. First, I ran out of Fury missiles, and the backup Caldari Navy ones just weren’t hitting as hard. Second, an unaffiliated Basilisk showed up and started repping my friend in the Raven. So, that meant it was pretty much all over.

Drat.

We exchanged some friendly words in local (he admitted he got lucky) and some more in private; he even linked me his fit, which confirms my suspicion it was a near-run thing. He had four mining lasers, two cruise launchers, a salvager and a tractor high. Mids were a large best named shield booster, a boost amplifier, ballistic and thermal amplifiers, and a couple of cap rechargers. Lows were a damage control, three ballistic controls, and a large armor repper. Rigs were all cap controls.

A pilot that young has GOT to be very short on basic support skills to be in a Raven at five weeks old, which explains how I was getting past that one large shield repper; even with all that cap gear, he could not keep it fed. So, I assume, the armor repper would not have done him any more good.

Moral of the story: carry more missiles, and keep mouth shut in local.

Thanks to SirCoWart for being cool about it and providing me with an excellent challenge! I don’t blame you for saving your boat by whatever means necessary, but words cannot describe how badly I wanted to see it go “Kaboom”.

Today I encountered one Monrew, member of Galactic Exporters [GAL-X], jet-can mining in an Osprey in Kaimon. I flipped quite a lot of Azure Plagioclase into an Ironfleet can.

Fellow did not want to fight, warped prudently away.

I took what I could carry, resumed my tour of the belts.

Finished my tour of the belts, returned to my can.

Found him there, in a Badger II, on a vector for my can. Awesome!

I locked him up and started “racing” for the can.

He grabbed the contents, started flashing red. I turned on my warp disruptor, started lobbing heavy missiles. They were hitting for 300+ each. I thought I had a kill.

Then he warped away. Sneaky bugger was stabbed!

Good job, Monrew. You can never be too careful.

It’s a BAD fit for shooting at the “stupid fuck in the industrial that just took my ore”, but they never can seem to to resist the temptation. This guy did better than most, he had a few meters per second of speed on me and he was getting out close to the edge of my point range before he popped:

2010.07.01 18:26:00

Victim: Father Jape
Corp: School of Applied Knowledge
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Osprey
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 3495

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Thunderbolt Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 3495

Destroyed items:

Cap Booster 25, Qty: 32
Y-S8 Hydrocarbon I Afterburners
Co-Processor I
Hellfire Assault Missile, Qty: 44
Miner II, Qty: 3
Medium Capacitor Booster I
Azure Plagioclase, Qty: 1378 (Cargo)

Dropped items:

Co-Processor I
Small Shield Booster I
Mining Laser Upgrade I
Hellfire Assault Missile, Qty: 173 (Cargo)
Heavy Assault Missile Launcher I

Well, his name is Schwen. Apparently he and his buddy still haven’t figured out what makes a giant secure container “secure”.

Found him today Osprey-mining into a total of eight unanchored GSCs, of which six were full. One quick visit in my trusty Bustard later…well, as they used to say on Dr. Katz, you know what the music means.

For starters, I found Ddykarn. He made the classic mistake. He was jet-can mining in a Retriever with one T1 combat drone out. I picked up his small quantum of ore, and aligned for home. To him it must have looked like the helpless hauler was running away. His drone nibbled me. I blew him up.

2010.06.24 21:23:00

Victim: ddykarn
Corp: Caldari Provisions
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Retriever
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 1700

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Thunderbolt Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1700

Destroyed items:

Strip Miner I
Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 2
Survey Scanner II

Dropped items:

Strip Miner I
Small Nosferatu I (Cargo)

Less than nine minutes later, I find another Retriever doing the same thing, only this one has mining drones out. His jet-can is almost full, so I flipped it, taking what I could carry. Again, align for home. Again, he locked me up, and launches one combat drone. Then, he simultaneously attacks me and flips the can back. This guy wanted a fight.

He got it. Note the small armor repper, which he was using heavily, for all the good it did him:

2010.06.24 21:32:00

Victim: Wolf Loner4
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Caldari State
Destroyed: Retriever
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 2506

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Thunderbolt Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 2506

Destroyed items:

Warrior I (Drone Bay)
Small Armor Repairer I
Mining Drone I (Drone Bay)
Concentrated Veldspar, Qty: 2 (Cargo)
Viscous Pyroxeres, Qty: 6666 (Cargo)
Strip Miner I

Dropped items:

Mining Drone I, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay)
Strip Miner I

This guy was not a good sport. He wanted a fight, but not letting him win apparently makes me a bad person. I got an EveMail:

Subject: asshole
From: Wolf Loner4
Sent: 2010.06.24 21:41
To: Marlenus,

you mother fucker i hope you go to fuckin hell you stupid ass im going to hunt your sorry ass down

Getting mail like that always makes me feel better about blowing up the young and inexperienced.

So, after blowing him up, I looted his strip miner, flipped the ore back into my can (what I couldn’t carry), and docked up. Did some other errands, noticed his timer had run out, was thinking about going back to pick up the ore. When suddenly, his icon went all ragey-skull in local. My, my, did he just flip the ore back a second time? Some people need more than one exposure to life’s important lessons.

This time, I undocked in a bomber. Warped to 20. My can is gone, but there’s a flashy red Wreathe, just sitting there.

Uncloak, lock, paint, torps away!

And lo, there was an earthshattering kaboom, just as the scripture promised:

2010.06.24 21:53:00

Victim: Wolf Loner4
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Caldari State
Destroyed: Wreathe
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 1286

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Manticore
Weapon: Caldari Navy Juggernaut Torpedo
Damage Done: 1286

Destroyed items:

Basic Expanded Cargohold, Qty: 2
Scordite, Qty: 5000 (Cargo)
10MN Afterburner I

Dropped items:

Scordite, Qty: 9193 (Cargo)

It’s possible that three torps was overkill. But, he cursed at me!