Hi, folks, Marlenus here, CEO of Ironfleet and the guy you’ll hear from most at Ironfleet.com.

I’m a bit of an odd duck when it comes to ship preferences. I like cargo ships. The bigger the better.

My favorite thing to do with cargo ships is to scoop stuff, usually stuff that other people left floating in space. (You would be amazed at the goodies people leave floating in space.)

So there I was, conducting my daily sweep of the belts in my home system of the hour, when what to my wondering eye should appear but a bunch of frigates, mining into a pair of Giant Secure Cans. Only these were Giant Insecure Cans, because their navigation lights were flashing green.

Worthy salvage for Ironfleet.

A quick bookmark and warp to zero later: *scoop* *scoop* and Ironfleet is richer by two expensive containers and about 6000 cubic meters of Azure Plagioclase.

Initial response from former owners was confused but polite:

TheJudge UK > whats the point in that
Marlenus > I'm sorry?
TheJudge UK > well give the stuff back
Marlenus > I don't understand.
TheJudge UK > is that all you want to do is steal others containers
Marlenus > All? Steal? By no means. But salvaging loose cans is indeed a favorite activity of mine.
TheJudge UK > those cans where ours abd they where anchored
Marlenus > Sorry friend, if they were anchored I could not have scooped them
TheJudge UK > it sucks you want to take 500,000.00 worth of can from next to us
TheJudge UK > holding 1000,000.00 worth ore
Marlenus > Next to you had nothing to do with it, I sweep these belts every day for lost and jettisoned items, I scoop them all. I'm a salvager, it's what I do.
TheJudge UK > maybe thats a side of the game we dont see
Marlenus > I think so
TheJudge UK > we have only been paying 4 days
Marlenus > You need anchoring skill to use those cans safely, then nobody can touch them
TheJudge UK > we didnt expect all our stuff that we mined to be robbed
Marlenus > Alas, you didn't anchor, you may have thought you did but you didn't
TheJudge UK > we did
TheJudge UK > with passwords
Marlenus > You should expect *anything* you jettison to be removed unless you anchor it.
Marlenus > The password controls who can open the can
Marlenus > You need to right click and "launch for corp" or "launch for self" in order to anchor
TheJudge UK > obviously we need to understand more
TheJudge UK > thanks
Marlenus > Good luck!
TheJudge UK > cheers
Marlenus > Ironfleet out

It went downhill from there. I begin getting smacky convos:

TD MADEYE > im going to destroy your fuckin ship
Marlenus > You should have shot when you had the chance? I waited....
TD MADEYE > dont worry your gonna get it
Marlenus > Thank you friend, indeed I shan't worry

Suddenly I’m being trailed by several frigates and a couple of destroyers, all of them locking me. Not sure what their plan is — I’m not flashing red to anyone — but the smack in local is getting hot. Retarded, but hot. Sample:

Aaeko > ran away eh?
Marlenus > LOL, I sat there for ten minutes waiting for you guys to do something, then I went back to salvaging
TD MADEYE > as soon as we had you in range you warped pussy
TD MADEYE > what you did was not salvage it was stealing
Marlenus > Matter of opinion
TD MADEYE > we were there mining and you stole our shit
Marlenus > I scooped some unanchored cans, it's true.
Marlenus > But I do that every day, I keep the local belts clean
TD FITZ > so fuck off from here asshole
Marlenus > LOL, I *live* here, this is my home system

And then TheJudge could restrain himself no longer. Under the watchful eye of Concord — who were actually present in the belt at that moment, due to some unknown earlier mishap — I see:

(notify) TheJudge UK (Merlin) has started trying to warp scramble you.
(notify) CONCORD Police Officer has started trying to warp scramble TheJudge UK (Merlin)
(notify) CONCORD Police Commander has started trying to warp scramble TheJudge UK (Merlin)

There followed an enormous kaboom. And Merlin fittings to salvage.

And oh, my, the smack:

TD FITZ > i hope i meet ur sister out here some day and fuck her like u did 2 us asshole
TD FITZ > thats 2 u marlenus
Marlenus > Oh my, really?
TD FITZ > oh my yes
Marlenus > It worked for The Judge
TD FITZ > he was looking at ur mother
Marlenus > Perhaps next time he should look at his instrument panel, hmm?
TD FITZ > ask ur mon she knows
Aaeko > rofl
Marlenus > Yes, we are rolling on the floor at that cuttting bit of incisive wit.
TD FITZ > yea he fucks sheep 2
Aaeko > Bahhhhh


TD FITZ > u like 2 get fuck in the ass
Marlenus > He has *two*, count them TWO, insults in his repertoire!
TD FITZ > i got more
Marlenus > Don't strain yourself, I don't think you've worn these two out yet
TD FITZ > ur sihp looks like a cow u like 2 fuck cows
Marlenus > Whoo, I am humiliated now
TD FITZ > ur mom looks likes a cow
Aaeko > Hey got a container here for you Marlenus, Its full of your mothers shitty knickers.
TD FITZ > and ur sister
TD FITZ > its true then
Harris Hharav > bad form people
Marlenus > But Harris, they're having so much fun!
TD FITZ > he started
TD FITZ > we r we r
Marlenus > LOL, check the logs, the smack didn't start here
DadVer20 > marlenus i must say sorry for them i tryed to explain to the you suffer from a small penis
TD FITZ > it started when u stole our shit
TheJudge UK > OMG can you come and get you mum she has shit her self again
TheJudge UK > get the fuck off me bitch
Marlenus > Boys, the level of banter isn't really high enough to keep me interested, so I'm going AFK a bit. Don't let that stop you, though, I'm sure you have reserves of scatology you've not yet plumbed.

And that’s a typical few minute’s work for Ironfleet. (Although, to be fair, I usually get a better quality of smack, these guys were hindered by limited vocabulary and even more limited imagination.)

2 Responses to “Scoop Of The Day”

  1. Thejudge.UK says:

    This is the fuckin sadest thing I have ever seen you sad mother fucker. I will meet you anytime any place and lets se the convo then so I can post my convo of you begging for your life. You are a thief and thats that, dress it up how you want if it makes it easier for you. Anyway if you think your brave lets have it you sad prick.

  2. Marlenus says:

    LOL, some people never learn.

    You do know how stupid this makes you look, right?

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