Ironfleet Towing And Salvage

So I landed on zero in a belt next to a Badger II. He had a cargo can about 20km away. We raced.

He lost.

He commenced to whine in local. Amaya is a Hulk pilot who saw the race:

[18:31:52] Timeless eQuinox > fucking
[18:31:53] Timeless eQuinox > jew
[18:31:56] Timeless eQuinox > just took all my
[18:31:57] Timeless eQuinox > ore
[18:32:02] Marlenus > Oh, how lovely, a racist
[18:32:08] Timeless eQuinox > eat a dick
[18:32:10] Timeless eQuinox > bitch
[18:32:13] joydivisionn > racist…
[18:32:47] Marlenus > a racist misogynist no less
[18:32:49] joydivisionn > ban hammer…
[18:33:51] Amaya Mizumaki > he isn’t racist he is mocking you for religous beleifs not genetics
[18:34:09] joydivisionn > lol
[18:34:12] Amaya Mizumaki > and besides last i checked we were all humans so we are all one race
[18:34:29] joydivisionn > fucking jew is racist
[18:34:35] joydivisionn > he will be reported
[18:34:38] Timeless eQuinox > cool
[18:34:43] Timeless eQuinox > hes a fucking nigger also
[18:34:50] Marlenus > Thanks Joy, saves me the trouble
[18:34:54] Amaya Mizumaki > /emote shakes her head
[18:35:08] Amaya Mizumaki > your all idiots
[18:35:30] joydivisionn > hahaha
[18:36:07] joydivisionn > timeless is the idiot here
[18:36:34] Amaya Mizumaki > sorry ill stick with “your all”
[18:36:37] Timeless eQuinox > i rather be an idiot then a nigger/jew
[18:36:47] joydivisionn > see….
[18:36:48] Amaya Mizumaki > timeless stop
[18:36:54] Timeless eQuinox > like the Marlenus faggot
[18:37:02] joydivisionn > he proves his own idiotcy
[18:37:05] Marlenus > Racist and a homophobe, lol
[18:37:05] Amaya Mizumaki > /emote sighs
[18:37:20] Timeless eQuinox > whatever fuck this

And just like that, he logged.

So, has nobody sent the numpties in empire a memo about can flippers? Is this honored art forgotten? Because man, today it’s been like shooting fish in a rain barrel.

For starters, I found Ddykarn. He made the classic mistake. He was jet-can mining in a Retriever with one T1 combat drone out. I picked up his small quantum of ore, and aligned for home. To him it must have looked like the helpless hauler was running away. His drone nibbled me. I blew him up.

2010.06.24 21:23:00

Victim: ddykarn
Corp: Caldari Provisions
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Unknown
Destroyed: Retriever
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 1700

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Thunderbolt Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1700

Destroyed items:

Strip Miner I
Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 2
Survey Scanner II

Dropped items:

Strip Miner I
Small Nosferatu I (Cargo)

Less than nine minutes later, I find another Retriever doing the same thing, only this one has mining drones out. His jet-can is almost full, so I flipped it, taking what I could carry. Again, align for home. Again, he locked me up, and launches one combat drone. Then, he simultaneously attacks me and flips the can back. This guy wanted a fight.

He got it. Note the small armor repper, which he was using heavily, for all the good it did him:

2010.06.24 21:32:00

Victim: Wolf Loner4
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Caldari State
Destroyed: Retriever
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 2506

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Thunderbolt Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 2506

Destroyed items:

Warrior I (Drone Bay)
Small Armor Repairer I
Mining Drone I (Drone Bay)
Concentrated Veldspar, Qty: 2 (Cargo)
Viscous Pyroxeres, Qty: 6666 (Cargo)
Strip Miner I

Dropped items:

Mining Drone I, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay)
Strip Miner I

This guy was not a good sport. He wanted a fight, but not letting him win apparently makes me a bad person. I got an EveMail:

Subject: asshole
From: Wolf Loner4
Sent: 2010.06.24 21:41
To: Marlenus,

you mother fucker i hope you go to fuckin hell you stupid ass im going to hunt your sorry ass down

Getting mail like that always makes me feel better about blowing up the young and inexperienced.

So, after blowing him up, I looted his strip miner, flipped the ore back into my can (what I couldn’t carry), and docked up. Did some other errands, noticed his timer had run out, was thinking about going back to pick up the ore. When suddenly, his icon went all ragey-skull in local. My, my, did he just flip the ore back a second time? Some people need more than one exposure to life’s important lessons.

This time, I undocked in a bomber. Warped to 20. My can is gone, but there’s a flashy red Wreathe, just sitting there.

Uncloak, lock, paint, torps away!

And lo, there was an earthshattering kaboom, just as the scripture promised:

2010.06.24 21:53:00

Victim: Wolf Loner4
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: Unknown
Faction: Caldari State
Destroyed: Wreathe
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 1286

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Ship: Manticore
Weapon: Caldari Navy Juggernaut Torpedo
Damage Done: 1286

Destroyed items:

Basic Expanded Cargohold, Qty: 2
Scordite, Qty: 5000 (Cargo)
10MN Afterburner I

Dropped items:

Scordite, Qty: 9193 (Cargo)

It’s possible that three torps was overkill. But, he cursed at me!

Marlenus here. Jim Bridger finally shamed me into logging on.

After his recent battle Mammoth fun, I thought about setting up a classic BattleBadger. But, truth to tell, I don’t have Jim’s skill in small weapons. So I decided to stick with one of my old trusty combat Cranes.

Out to the belts. Second belt I checked, there’s a Retriever and an Osprey mining into a cluster of Giant Secure Cans. And by cluster, I mean six of them … a tight cluster, without the minimum 5 kilometer separation needed for anchoring.

Sadly, ever since they redesigned the graphics for the cans, my broken color vision makes it impossible for me to see whether a Giant Secure Can is anchored or not. There used to be a red nav light on anchored cans and a green one on unanchored ones, hard to see but distinguisable. In the redesign, they took this off, or made the shading more subtle, I’m not sure which … but now, the only way I can tell if a can is scoopable is to see it too near another can.

This cluster: too obvious to miss.

So, back I went for the big rigged bustard. Warp to the cluster of cans, silently scoop them. As my old friends in Suddenly Ninjas would have said: YOINK!

There was no sign that anybody noticed, so I docked.

Judging by the names, four of the cans “belonged” to the Retriever pilot, two of them “belonged” to the Osprey pilot. Between the six cans, there were four full cans-worth of Azure Plagioclase.

Then I went to lunch. When I came back, I had the following Notification in my mailbox:

Your contact level has been modified
From: Goa’ul Ra
Sent: 2010.06.22 17:57

Goa’ul Ra has changed your contact level to Terrible Standing

u mother f***ker i will get u

Charmed, I’m sure.

Remember, boys and girls, a Giant Secure Can is only secure when it has been anchored. That is all!

In the last couple of weeks there’s been a substantial decline in visitors to Greater Mars. I figure, the w-space novelty has worn off, the deadliness has been discovered, and the loot (especially the T3 parts) hasn’t turned out to be excessively valuable, especially before widespread T3 production gets ramped up.

Still, I like it here. And there’s not really a lot of extra resources in Greater Mars to share with tourists. Which means, I tend to treat tourists as just one more salvageable resource. And if they aren’t quite ready for salvaging, well… that’s what heavy missiles are for, right?

2009.04.16 19:29:00

Victim: Devon Cys
Corp: Stone Shadow Syndicate
Alliance: Sylph Alliance
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Imicus
System: J235321
Security: 0.0
Damage Taken: 573

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Faction: NONE
Ship: Caracal
Weapon: Scourge Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 573

Destroyed items:

Core Scanner Probe I, Qty: 4
Core Scanner Probe I, Qty: 3 (Cargo)

Dropped items:

Core Probe Launcher I
Core Scanner Probe I, Qty: 154 (Cargo)
Deep Space Scanner Probe I, Qty: 3 (Cargo)

Today’s pilgrim showed up a planet while I was testing the new scanning features. He stayed there while I:

1) I scanned him down to 100%;
2) Warped to him to observe him;
3) Bookmarked him;
4) Returned to the POS operated by the Empress of Greater Mars;
5) Swapped into a combat ship;
6) Warped back;
7) Locked him with a cruiser;
8) Blew him to hell.

I realize it’s tough to keep moving while you scan when you’re in a non-cloaking astrometrics frigate, but jeebers, this ain’t Empire! It’s not safe to park at a planet.

Update: I didn’t notice until later, but after Devon warped away in his pod, he wrote one word in local: “ass”. Of course, I couldn’t say whether he was describing himself or trying to smack-talk me.

The super-secret corporate intelligence bureau working out of a sub-basement at Ironfleet corporate headquarters has secured this exclusive photograph, which (we are reliably informed) depicts a top military planner in Goonswarm, planning the next Goon invasion:

Most of the people in TEARS are also in Suddenly Ninjas. And they are a good buncha boys. Even this guy I’m about to distance myself from, usually.

But.

TEARS is all about salvaging in other people’s missions. We are — for better or worse — strongly affected by the new probing system.

Me, I’m a huge enthusiast of the new system. It’s harder, but better. I have more control. I can find things that previously were not worth the trouble. And it’s nineteen times less boring and more fun. (Yes, nineteen. I measured.)

Unfortunately, some people don’t like change. And, when you force change upon them, they become disgruntled. And they whine.

But still. TEARS. Tears Extraction And Relocation Service. We are supposed to thrive upon the tears of our victims, not contribute tears to the pool. Crying is beneath us.

Which is why this post by Dotard of Suddenly Ninjas makes me (and it’s a new feeling I don’t like very much) feel ashamed to be in the same alliance:

Title: new probing system
OP:

Sucks monkeyballs. Whoever came up with this idea needs to be shot, quartered, deficated upon and shot again.

(ingame)

That is all.

Yuck. Eww. Icky. Lame.

Unworthy of a Ninja. Unworthy of a TEARS member.

Doesn’t help that he can’t spell defecated. (Son, don’t write dirty words on walls, if you can’t spell.)

But worse — much worse — is that cowardly forum meme of wishing real-world harm on someone and then (in the lamest of lame attempts to pretend otherwise to avoid a warning or ban for breaking forum rules) adding the “ingame” qualifier.

Unworthy. Dotard, you can do better. You should do better.

I’ve been spending some time on the Singularity test server, checking out the new probing system coming with the March 10 Apocrypha expansion. It’s still horribly buggy, but looks promising; more player skill to use, less randomness, less endless waiting. It looks like it will be easier to find specific ships (especially in deadspaces) than at present, to the dismay of low sec mission runners; but on the converse, the “salvager buffet” in busy mission running systems is going away. Instead of getting many warpable hits in single scan, all nicely identified by ship type, possible mission runners will need to be checked out one-by-one, with probe repositioning between efforts. All in all, I’m quite happy about the proposed changes, but mission salvage will be very different in a few weeks.

So, I decided to have one more taste of it, and dropped some probes. Found, fairly quickly, a bunch of small and medium Blood wrecks at an acceleration gate. The directional scanner indicated large wrecks through the gate, so through the gate I went.

It was a small wreck field, with only about five large wrecks and perhaps twenty mediums and smalls; so I decided to cherry pick the larges in my covert ops ship, rather than going back for a dedicated salvager. Good thing I did, too; because about the time I finished salvaging the large wrecks, three mission runner types showed up and began hoovering their wrecks at a great rate of speed. I had ten armor plates and thirty burned logic circuits, so I was happy; I salvaged another half-dozen mediums while they worked, and we were done.

Note I said I was happy. Them? Not so much.

Shortly after they arrived, I got a convo invite. Jarmada, apparently as much a stranger to punctuation as he is to courtesy and spelling, got right to the point:

Jarmada > fuck off
Jarmada > is this you mission
Marlenus > Would you like a petition for bad language?
Jarmada > do iyt
Jarmada > this is not your missiopn
Marlenus > Never said it was
Jarmada > so get out
Marlenus > Why?

Apparently he was stymied by the rhetorical force of my inquiry, because he ended the conversation.

Perhaps unhappy with the outcome, he sent me a somewhat incoherent EVEmail:

to piss poor to do your own missions : so u steal from other pple : your a scum bag of the lowest form

At this point, I looked up his info. He’s the CEO and founder of a two-member corp confusingly called The Australian Alliance. Don’t they speak English in Australia? Or have some form of literacy education in primary school?

I replied with a cheerful version of the Ironfleet form letter:

Just a salvager, actually; salvaging wrecks is what I do for a living. It’s not theft — salvage is not owned.

Have a look at the Ironfleet Towing And Salvage blog (ironfleet.com) if you’re curious about the profession. While you are there, check out the “GMs On Salvage” article, to learn why it’s not theft as you seem to think.

Cheerio –

Marlenus, CEO
Ironfleet Towing and Salvage

This earned me a more coherent, if still unusually punctuated as well as unreceptive, response, urging me to play the game his way instead of mine:

salvage is theft : this is my mission : i did the kills : i dont use probes to find other pples salvage : go to a belt and salvage the wrecks there if ya want the salvage that bad

Pish, tush, my good man! If I did that, I wouldn’t have gotten all these lovely Armor Plates!

Somewhere in all this, he decided to do some Ironfleet advertising in local, which is always appreciated:

Jarmada > watch your missions guys : thers a prick in here mission jumping and salvaging your loot : name is “Marlenus” :
Ianmizu > just salvaging, or looting too?
Jarmada > just salvaging : so u cant shoot the asswipe
Ianmizu > ah :(
Jarmada > i not going to help the prick : not doin missions in this system
Jarmada > cya’s
Ianmizu > o/
Marlenus > Just another one of the many spaceways cleaning services Ironfleet Towing And Salvage is happy to provide!

A long time ago, in the time of The Great INDY War, I had a random war dec from a guy named Duckeye who never showed up. It was right after the INDY alliance called off AC-ME’s dog Chebri, and there were anonymous commenters in this post who suggested a Duckeye / Chebri connection, but it was never confirmed.

I did later confirm that Duckeye is a shared account, because I station camped him for awhile during factional warfare (he was flying for the Gallente scum) and we had a cordial chat during which he utterly failed to remember ever having declared war on Ironfleet, blaming his “little brother” who “played the account for a couple of weeks”. Yeah, that’s pretty obvious nonsense, but it’s the sort of nonsense you’ll get from account sharers who don’t want to be too open about it.

Anyway, about ten days ago the Duckeye / Chebri connection was confirmed in a fairly humorous way. Duckeye apparently got drunk and started inviting everybody in his address book into the “Duckeye’s Bathtub” chat channel; and *surprise* Chebri was there and acting like a resident of the channel. There was mass confusion as a great many people wanted to know “why am I here” so I was in the channel for almost twenty minutes, until Duckeye finally remembered who I was and kick/banned me. Here are a few of the funnier bits, it’s a very long chat file so these are highly condensed highlights. The first snip is for flavor and show the Duckeye/Chebri connection — they sound like friends or closer, but probably not the same person I’d say:

—————————————————————
Channel ID: 2137386827
Channel Name: Duckeye’s Bathtub
Listener: Marlenus
Session started: 2009.01.05 05:40:05
—————————————————————

EVE System > Channel MOTD: Welcome to my bathtub, GET DIRTY!!

{snip}

[ 05:40:58 ] Chebri > /emote dances around in the water singing ‘splish splash I was takin a bath’
[ 05:41:12 ] Duckeye > rubber ducky, your the one, you make bathtime lots of fun
[ 05:41:13 ] The Kovenant > /emote plays with bubbles
[ 05:41:14 ] AdamVan Dutchman > weeee
[ 05:41:23 ] Auk Monnan > mmm, tribe will eat good this weak
[ 05:41:27 ] mayito > u a real gal chebri?
[ 05:41:32 ] Motre > What the hell are you doing to that rubber duckie…
[ 05:41:32 ] Duckeye > don’t touch her
[ 05:41:33 ] Chebri > ya
[ 05:41:34 ] mayito > i got a bone if u r
[ 05:41:34 ] AdamVan Dutchman > hey leave that duck alone
[ 05:41:37 ] mayito > boner*
[ 05:41:39 ] Chebri > LOL
[ 05:41:39 ] Motre > OH GOD! THAT DOES NOT GO THERE!
[ 05:41:41 ] mayito > oh shit
[ 05:41:42 ] AdamVan Dutchman > that’s gross
[ 05:41:44 ] Duckeye > /emote slices off mayito’s hands
[ 05:41:48 ] BAD CHICK > eh how did i get here
[ 05:41:48 ] mayito > im confused now
[ 05:41:53 ] Duckeye > SHE’S MINE
[ 05:41:56 ] Duckeye > hit on bad chick
[ 05:42:00 ] mayito > its bad chick!!!!!!!!!!
[ 05:42:11 ] mayito > bad chick
[ 05:42:13 ] Auk Monnan > and you may ask yourself…
[ 05:42:14 ] Duckeye > good boy
[ 05:42:16 ] mayito > im bad boy
[ 05:42:19 ] Chebri > 0o0o0o
[ 05:42:23 ] mayito > wana make bad kids?
[ 05:42:24 ] Chebri > /emote hugs Duckey
[ 05:42:26 ] BAD CHICK > i am just missunderstood
[ 05:42:29 ] Duckeye > hehe
[ 05:42:37 ] BAD CHICK > i am lesbian .
[ 05:42:40 ] hermerdoo > what up
[ 05:42:41 ] mayito > so
[ 05:42:44 ] GROUPA > can i help you guys
[ 05:42:45 ] Chebri > *\o/*
[ 05:42:45 ] AdamVan Dutchman > yay
[ 05:42:47 ] mayito > i love lesbians
[ 05:42:54 ] Entarii > what the hell is going on here

{snip}

[ 05:45:26 ] Chebri > \\o
[ 05:45:30 ] Chebri > o//
[ 05:45:35 ] mayito > uh oh
[ 05:45:39 ] mayito > shes dancing
[ 05:45:43 ] Motre > WOOOO! TAKE OT OFF
[ 05:45:45 ] Chebri > weeee
[ 05:45:50 ] mayito > take it off..take it offf!!
[ 05:45:53 ] Chebri > there’s nothing on! it’s a bathtub
[ 05:45:58 ] AdamVan Dutchman > nakedness woo
[ 05:45:59 ] Chebri > ( * Y * )
[ 05:46:11 ] mayito > /emote faints in the water
[ 05:46:13 ] AdamVan Dutchman > your wearing nothing but a bath tub
[ 05:46:18 ] mayito > XP
[ 05:46:20 ] Chebri > exactly…and bubbles

{snip}

[ 05:47:38 ] Frank Doth > can we know whats goign on?
[ 05:47:45 ] Duckeye > CAN you? sure thing
[ 05:47:59 ] Father Yarrr > why did we get invited here
[ 05:48:14 ] Father Yarrr > im busy killin stuff
[ 05:48:14 ] jorunbrigita > umm how do you know it’s a toe?
[ 05:48:20 ] BobSmith BobSmith > ?
[ 05:48:26 ] BobSmith BobSmith > hello
[ 05:48:32 ] BobSmith BobSmith > whats up?
[ 05:48:35 ] Chebri > LOL
[ 05:48:39 ] Khysanth > wow i dont know any of you
[ 05:48:44 ] Khysanth > why was i invited here?
[ 05:48:46 ] Duckeye > I know YOU
[ 05:48:49 ] Duckeye > I’ve been watching you…
[ 05:48:52 ] Khysanth > i’ll bet you do
[ 05:48:54 ] Duckeye > I like your underwear…
[ 05:49:06 ] Duckeye > and your tatoo of eddie murphy on your left shin
[ 05:49:06 ] Marlenus > It looks like Duckey got drunk and invited everybody in his address book into a chatroom

{snip}

[ 05:49:24 ] Chebri > ack!
[ 05:49:28 ] Chebri > Ore thief!!!
[ 05:49:29 ] Duckeye > I WANT YOU, CUZ I’M MR. VAIN
[ 05:49:33 ] Animenick > any clue what this chat is for?
[ 05:49:37 ] Duckeye > for fun
[ 05:49:40 ] Marlenus > LOL at Chebri, I wuz invited
[ 05:49:45 ] ar2ro > yo. what is the channel?
[ 05:49:46 ] AdamVan Dutchman > we are having a buble bath and blow
[ 05:49:56 ] Chebri > ya I know..we’re doing random invites
[ 05:50:05 ] Chebri > pitty the poor soul in local that spams something for sale =D
[ 05:50:07 ] Duckeye > nothin but love!
[ 05:50:09 ] BobSmith BobSmith > ok
[ 05:50:12 ] Chebri > \o/
[ 05:50:15 ] BobSmith BobSmith > sounds fun
[ 05:50:19 ] Chebri > /emote wants more bubbles

{snip}

[ 05:51:41 ] Bjorn Stahle > was that Marlenus?!?
[ 05:51:49 ] ar2ro > Random invitation is sux)
[ 05:51:50 ] Chebri > ya
[ 05:51:53 ] Chebri > >.<
[ 05:51:57 ] Duckeye > this will be our theme song
[ 05:51:58 ] Duckeye > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KX-de_SH3KQ
[ 05:52:01 ] Bjorn Stahle > That Bastard referred to me as that Battle cruiser guy!
[ 05:52:05 ] Marlenus > Bjjorn that was, but I don’t know you
[ 05:52:10 ] Marlenus > LOL
[ 05:52:23 ] Chebri > \\o
[ 05:53:09 ] Bjorn Stahle > Heya Marlenus :)

{snip}

[ 05:55:42 ] Marlenus > Bjorn Stahle which battlecruiser guy are you? ;-)
[ 05:55:43 ] Hildale > random invites?
[ 05:55:50 ] Duckeye > na, tactical invites
[ 05:56:00 ] Jonny Hawks > Dis da Bath Tub rev’o'LUTION MON!
[ 05:56:00 ] Bjorn Stahle > ummm it was like a year ago lol
[ 05:56:01 ] Duckeye > if your name begins with a letter, then I invite you
[ 05:56:15 ] Marlenus > So much was
[ 05:56:38 ] Bjorn Stahle > which reminds me I upgraded my computer 6 months ago and lost your web page url, Marlenus
[ 05:56:42 ] Gzafer > WHO DID THIS
[ 05:56:52 ] Duckeye > someones hacking your computer Gzafer!
[ 05:56:57 ] Gzafer > WHAT
[ 05:56:57 ] Duckeye > quick, press Ctrl+Q!
[ 05:56:59 ] Bjorn Stahle > But it was INDY war dec
[ 05:57:03 ] Marlenus > Ironfleet.com, Bjorn — both of the hosts of this channel have mentions
[ 05:57:15 ] Marlenus > Ahy, the INDY war, I remember it fondly
[ 05:57:21 ] Duckeye > ah shit
[ 05:57:58 ] Bjorn Stahle > damn you for making an easy url, Marlenus!
[ 05:58:03 ] Marlenus > ;-)
[ 05:58:04 ] Bjorn Stahle > /emote shakes fist
[ 05:58:04 ] Jonny Hawks > >>>>This be the “Hey EVE can be FUN Channel”<<<<
[ 05:58:10 ] AdamVan Dutchman > this is definately not anything to do with fun
[ 05:58:17 ] Duckeye > I’m havin fun
[ 05:58:18 ] Gzafer > I DONT UNDERSTAND
[ 05:58:25 ] Marlenus > Bjorn you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw that URL still available
[ 05:58:32 ] dolphin Jim > does anyone?
[ 05:58:35 ] Bjorn Stahle > lol
[ 05:59:01 ] Marlenus > dolphin Jim, some folks got drunk and started inviting everybody in their address book, looks like
[ 05:59:14 ] dolphin Jim > hehe

And right there I got kicked and banned. I think that last “ah shit” from Duckeye is probably when he finally realized who he’d invited. Aw, Duckeye, I didn’t know you still cared!

P.S. Remember AC-ME, Chebri’s former corp in INDY? It still exists and it’s still an alliance member, but there’s only one person left in the corporation.

So, there’s a guy in a belt, one YoriBeerminson, and he’s Retriever mining into a Badger II, using a Giant Secure Container for a transfer can. Pretty safe from salvagers, yeah?

Except, he’s got combat drones out for the rats. And he’s got some rat wrecks about. Any chance he’ll do something foolish?

So I warp in and loot some rat wrecks. I’m flashy to him, but he doesn’t want to play. No surprise.

Just for giggles, I check to see if he’s got a password on the transfer can. No. He doesn’t. So I snag the ore from the transfer can.

And I sit there for another cycle of his strip miners. He fills the transfer can again. I empty it. This is fun, and funny, although I’ll get bored soon. How long will it take him to catch on?

At the end of his next cycle, his lasers go quiet and there’s a long pause. Then the can window closes, and when I try to re-open it, I’m prompted for a password. He learns!

I tried “Marlenus Sucks” — but nothing.

So I fly away, and as I go, my Evemail flashes. Three Russian words from him: “будь здоров дятел”.

The first two words I know, they’re a blessing of sorts: “Be healthy.” I’m guessing he’s being sarcastic.

The last word is unknown to me. Google Translate suggests “woodpecker”, which gives me a hint. I’ll bet the slang meaning has more to do with the “pecker” and less to do with the “wood”. Can any Russian speakers confirm?

Flying the new cloaked blockade runner has a lot in common with submarine warfare. Which makes it great fun, if you’re willing to be patient.

Today I was flying around when I spotted a Retriever mining barge mining into a jet can. He was a long way away at the other end of the belt, so I bookmarked his can and warped away to a planet, warping back to the jetcan at zero.

He was gone.

The jetcan was full. It had a name.

I created an Ironfleet can. I gave it the same name. I put the ore from his can into my can.

Does this trick ever work? I mean, the can is the wrong color. But then, there’s greed to consider.

I moved away a few kilometers, cloaked, and waited.

Sure enough, within just a few seconds the Retriever pilot was back, this time in a Badger II. Upon warp in, he sat motionless a long time.

Then, he crawled over to my can. Again, he sat motionless a long time.

Then he heeled around, clearly aligning to something. Le sigh; he’s not falling for it. And if he does a clean grab-and-warp, I won’t have time to decloak and lock and scramble him.

Then, another lengthy wait. He’s clearly thinking about it, and thinking hard.

Ah ha! Now, he’s red flashy.

Decloak, wait for the uncloak delay, target, lock, locking, locking, locking… sweet! He’s scrambled. Fire all torpedoes!

Except, of course, what I’ve got is one heavy missile launcher. It will have to do.

Boom, boom, boom. He’s tanked pretty well, this is taking time. His shields are about gone though.

What’s this? He has initiated self-destruct? That, I’ve never had anybody do before.

No worries; he doesn’t have two minutes. Boom, boom, boom, he’s popped.

Two giant secure cans full of ore fall out, some useful modules too:

2008.12.11 01:13:00

Victim: Cavros Demetri
Corp: Firestorm Tactical Industries
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Badger Mark II
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 3187

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Faction: NONE
Ship: Prowler
Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 3187

Destroyed items:

Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 3
Shield Recharger II, Qty: 2
Giant Secure Container (Cargo)
Azure Plagioclase, Qty: 11142 (In Container)
Giant Secure Container (Cargo)
Azure Plagioclase, Qty: 11142 (In Container)

Dropped items:

Invulnerability Field I
Medium Shield Booster II
Burned Logic Circuit, Qty: 2 (Cargo)
Sensor Booster I (Cargo)
Salvager I
Shield Recharger II
Giant Secure Container (Cargo)
Azure Plagioclase, Qty: 11142 (In Container)
Giant Secure Container (Cargo)
Azure Plagioclase, Qty: 11142 (In Container)

While I’m hauling his full cans, I notice that he’s smacking in local. We converse. It actually goes fairly well once he calms down, even though somebody who used to smacktalk me back when Ironfleet was a baby and I was salvaging in a tricked-out Badger II) can’t resist chiming in to share her low opinion of me:

Cavros Demetri > marlenus you’re a knob. you tipped my can then got my badger. what a cock cheese
Marlenus > I got your cans of ore too. ;-)
Cavros Demetri > hope you choke on them
Marlenus > It seems unlikely
Cavros Demetri > hmmm… welll hope you’re refining chokes you lol
Marlenus > You thought about that load a long time before taking it … you can’t say you didn’t have a bad vibe
Cavros Demetri > i spend nearly an hour mining for some knob to nick it. yeah it was mine. the principle of it
Marlenus > Oddly enough, it was floating alone in space when I found it.
Marlenus > From my perspective, some “knob” nicked it from an Ironfleet can
Cavros Demetri > funny that. you obviously didnt realise that a jet can needs a larger ship to recover it
Marlenus > Larger that what? Your cans are in my hanger
Marlenus > Your former cans, I should say
Cavros Demetri > you’re just taking the piss. shame you cant mine you’re own stuff eh?
Marlenus > Why should I mine, when there’s ore floating abandoned in space?
Cavros Demetri > you knew exactly what you were doing.
Cavros Demetri > you waited cloaked for me to warp
Marlenus > Of course I knew what I was doing, Ironfleet has been in the salvage business for almost three years
Marlenus > How many blockade runners do you see in this business? It’s a specialized trade
Cavros Demetri > nothing hard a bout sitting cloaked waiting for someone to warp away for their hauler.
Cavros Demetri > no skill at all
Valeria Crossroads > 3 years of being a bad human, sad that some are proud of it
Marlenus > LOL at Valeria
Marlenus > I’m just playing the game, same as the rest of you
Cavros Demetri > “LOL at valeria” 3 years and thats the best you can say
Valeria Crossroads > ore thiefs are people who would be a traitor in a real world war
Marlenus > It’s plenty good, she doesn’t have any merit to her attacks
Cavros Demetri > but she hasnt been dishonest
Marlenus > She’s one of the many who confuse in game fun with out of game morality
Marlenus > I haven’t been dishonest either
Cavros Demetri > you took out a harmless badger. ( is quite funny )
Cavros Demetri > yeah you played with the rules though
Valeria Crossroads > stealing is bad, in or outgame
Marlenus > Nothing dishonest in shooting at a ship that goes flashy red
Marlenus > And in-game, it’s not stealing.
Valeria Crossroads > yes it is other wise you would not been flagged as a thief when you do
Rocky Dean > it’s only stealing if you get caught. : P
Cavros Demetri > then firing cruise missiles at a badger. is that what you consider challenging?
Marlenus > Cruise missiles? I wish. You try to fit cruise missiles on a blockade runner, just let me know how it works for you
Cavros Demetri > well i wont be jetting when i get my hulk. and the corp will be told about you.
Marlenus > Oh good.
Rocky Dean > um, ya, I’m gonna tell my corp on you too Marlenus. : P LOL
Cavros Demetri > ill tell my mummy while im at it
Cavros Demetri > lol
Marlenus > My alliance chief will be delighted at the publicity.
Cavros Demetri > lol
Rocky Dean > oh, by the way Marl, any other juicy spots i could join in on the free lunch with that you’d suggest? : )
Cavros Demetri > try uitra
Marlenus > Not sure what you’re asking Rocky
Marlenus > It’s a full time job for me just keeping the local belts free of nav hazards
Rocky Dean > cans with free ore in them, i love those. : )
Cavros Demetri > you’ll find a few ibis’s there. thatll challenge you
Marlenus > Actually Cavros it’s not as easy as you think finding people who are willing to go flashy red like you did. There’s plenty of challenge to it.
Cavros Demetri > well, to be honest i did align to the station but clicked the wrong frigging one when i tried to warp so lost alignment bugger the thing lol
Marlenus > Yeah, you’d have got away if you’d done a clean flip-and-scoot
Cavros Demetri > i knew you would attack when i took the ore back
Cavros Demetri > yeah but im down to using this darn mouse touch pad thing on my laptop its driving me nuts
Marlenus > Ouch, I couldn’t fly with a touchpad
Cavros Demetri > yeah it pissed me off. sorry mate i know its a game just pssed i got the wrong station to warp to
Marlenus > I understand, no hard feelings on my end
Cavros Demetri > lol nope. fair play i like the tactics. not seen that before
Marlenus > I do try to be original, and the cloaking blockade runner is new tech for everybody
Cavros Demetri > right. i need sleep so ill catch you all later. well done marl. you got my ore:-)
Marlenus > Night Cavros
Cavros Demetri > nite! i might reset your standings tomorrow lmao