The day started off poorly, with one of those out-of-the-blue Mars versus Venus misunderstandings with the girlfriend that had her in tears and me going “WTF?” and feeling like I walked into a hidden buzz saw.

We made it up and she went shopping, but when I logged into EVE, I got it into my head that I wanted to blow somebody up. I figured it might cheer me up.

So, I hopped in my trusty old Crane transport with the concealed heavy missile launcher, and went looking for ore. I always need ore, and sometimes I get to blow stuff up.

First pilgrim I found was jet can mining in a Retriever mining barge. That’s always a good sign. So I warped to his jet can, and found it just about jammed clear full. Nice!

I stuffed the Crane’s none-too-large cargo hold, and repackaged the rest into an Ironfleet jet can. Mr. Retriever left. I took my first load home, came back in a stealth bomber, and cloaked. Will Mr. Retriever please come back in something else, and take something from an Ironfleet can? I really want to blow something up today.

Sadly, he did not return. So, after a suitable interval, I went and got the Hot Iron Extricator (a Badger II fitted for this sort of project) and made two quick trips.

(Aside: I often hear smack-talk in local about how “can flippers and thieves” don’t care about the ore, but just want to blow people up. It’s true that today, I did want to blow people up. But my ore hauling ways are really about the tritanium. Have you priced that shit lately? It turns out that a nearly full jet-can of mixed Veldspars refines, with my skills, to just over 800,000 units of tritanium, which, at the best available buy order in the station I took it to, is worth 2.5 million ISK. Not that I’d ever sell it — I still don’t have enough battleships to play with. But when Ironfleet flips your can, we want the ore. The kabooms are strictly a bonus.)

So anyway, Mr. Retriever would not play with me. On to the next belt! There’s always another pilgrim.

And in the very next belt, I found a young player (only two weeks old, give or take) sitting in an Osprey cruiser. No mining lasers were running, which made my hackles go up. Plus, he was corped and allianced, which made them go up further. Is this a real target, or is it bait?

While I watched, he warped away. So I closed on the can and investigated its contents. About a thousand units of ore more than would fit in my Crane. So, I filled the cargo hold and deposited the rest overboard in an Ironfleet jetcan.

Right about then, Mr. Osprey Miner came back, in a Badger II. Hmm, he sees another hauler, if he’s really as new as he looks, maybe he thinks I’m no threat? So I start motoring away, about half speed, like I’m aligning slowly to warp away. Waiting for him to pull “his” ore back out of Ironfleet’s can, but not really believing he’ll do it.

Motor motor motor. Reduce speed a little, don’t want to get too far away. Motor motor motor. Will he do it?

He did it.

Sorry, Mr. Osprey Miner, but you picked a bad day to take ore from an Ironfleet can.

Time to target the flashy red Badger II. That takes awhile in a Crane. Then I’ll turn on the warp disruptor… uh oh!

What with all that that motoring, I’m now too far away — about 2 klicks outside warp disruptor range. All engines astern! Full stop! Get on the steering oars! Crank this wobbly pig around! OK, now start shoveling on the coal!

Slowly, slowly, my trusty combat Crane lumbered back into warp disruptor range. For a miracle, the target has not gone home. Now he’s not going anywhere, so I start lobbing heavy missiles up his wake, closing rapidly so I can scoop whatever he drops.

Poop! Now that’s a sign of guilty panic if I ever saw it, he’s just jettisoned a can. Is he saying I can have my ore back if I just leave him in peace?

Probably. But this is not Ironfleet’s day to be peaceful.

Kaboom. Kaboom. Kaboom. By now he’s in armor, he’s turned on some sort of ineffectual shield booster, and it’s all over but the pretty lights. Wait for it…

Pretty lights. Yay!

I feel better now.

Here’s the mail:

2008.05.24 00:19:00

Victim: Tantulous
Alliance: Red Dragon Industries
Corp: steal will Defense
Destroyed: Badger Mark II
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 2841

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 2841

Destroyed items:

Civilian Shield Booster I
Monopropellant I Hydrazine Boosters
EP-S Gaussian I Excavation Pulse

Dropped items:

Bookmark (Cargo)

Doh! Another civilian shield booster guy! And it didn’t even drop. {/emote cries}

Predictably, it wasn’t long before Tantulous was in contact, in local. To his credit, there was zero smack. But he wanted (a) his stuff back and (b) compensation.

I guess it wasn’t going to be his day, either.

[ 29:48 ] Tantulous > hey marlenus, what gives, I grab the wrong container because you emtied mine when I wasn’t looking and you blast me, bit of a cheap shot aint it, especially on a badger.
[ 31:16 ] Marlenus > No offense mate, but you emptied an Ironfleet can right in front of me, and I was in a hauler too, so it didn’t seem like much of a cheap shot to shoot at you.
[ 31:39 ] Tantulous > except for one thing, you stole from mine I took a little from one of yours, mine had 5 times as much and ya stole it, I picked the wrong bloody one by mistake and what did ya do, my badger had no offensive weapons, I want my stuff back.
[ 33:57 ] Marlenus > I prefer to call it salvage, but whatever. I won’t be returning ore that’s been hauled to the Ironfleet hangars. And there’s a warning that pops up when you pick someone else’s can by mistake … or have you turned that off?
[ 34:27 ] Tantulous > I never seen any warning, and if there is one it’s never been turned on.
[ 34:48 ] Tantulous > and salvage, cock you shouldn’t have took it in the first place.
[ 35:54 ] Marlenus > You should be getting a warning and be required to click an OK button before “accidentally’ taking something from a can that’s not yours.
[ 36:22 ] Marlenus > As for my salvage activities, I’m afraid we differ there — that’s what Ironfleet does, and we do enjoy it.
[ 36:31 ] Tantulous > well i didn’t, you should get the same warning.
[ 36:50 ] Tantulous > it aint salvage man it’s stealin.
[ 36:59 ] Marlenus > I did get the warning, that’s how I know it’s there. You must have turned yours off, there’s a little checkbox to do that.
[ 37:15 ] Marlenus > We disagree on what to call it, I fear.
[ 38:04 ] Tantulous > I feel a little compensation is in order then for the mistake and insult, a small suggestion.
[ 38:48 ] Marlenus > Tantulus, it was no mistake on my part, and will nto be compensated for. Salvage of this kind is our corporate mission.
[ 38:50 ] Tantulous > I only want what is rightfully mine
[ 40:59 ] Tantulous > I still think I should receive compensation man.
[ 41:15 ] Marlenus > For what? I am honestly baffled by that idea.
[ 42:27 ] Tantulous > a mistake made, an accident and an attack that was not neccisary
[ 43:13 ] Marlenus > You made the mistake, are you suggesting you’d like to compensate me for taking from an Ironfleet can, or perhaps for the ammo I expended after you did so?

[ 43:22 ] Mack Grafton > the problem is, these “salvagers” are purposefully can flipping so they can attack you in your haulers and mining ships, its not an accident at all

[ 44:04 ] Marlenus > Those caldari navy heavy missiles are not cheap!
[ 44:38 ] Tantulous > the accident was waht i made man grabbing wrong bloody can, shouldn’t have used them then.
[ 46:13 ] Marlenus > With the greatest of respect, I’m skeptical of the accident theory to be honest; there is the matter of the warning you say you’ve never turned off, which is a well-known game mechanic and very hard to miss if it’s on.
[ 46:57 ] Tantulous > I have never had this warning since I started the game

[ 47:01 ] Salarion > And the moral of the story is? anyone?
[ 47:21 ] Tantulous > leave other peeps cans alone
[ 47:30 ] Salarion > wrong answer
[ 47:41 ] Tantulous > enlighten me please?
[ 47:43 ] Marlenus > I think I know, but I’ll wait for it…
[ 47:57 ] Salarion > DON”T use cans
[ 47:57 ] saltanx > never use jet cans
[ 48:02 ] Sudwerk > Who’s laughing at this?
[ 48:10 ] Linnea Celesta > o/
[ 48:15 ] Gankey > o/ hehe
[ 48:19 ] Mack Grafton > done use jet cans
[ 48:19 ] Marlenus > Me. Could we get that advice in a four-part harmony?
[ 48:51 ] Salarion > la l la la

By now I had a smile on my face, and then the girlfriend came home from the store with strawberry/blueberry tarts so she was happy too, and the day was much improved. Tantulous, if you ever read this, it was nothing personal, I’d have blowed up Santa Clause just then, if he’d been foolish enough to go flashy red on me. And salvaged his eight tiny reindeer for sausage, too.

Leave a Reply