Last night I returned to Caldari space, only to discover that Jim Bridger had made Ironfleet some fine new friends at GunSlingerSquad Corp.

I came back because my skill training for the Prowler (a blockade runner like my beloved Crane, but having a second high slot to fit the newly-available-to-this-shipclass Covert Ops Cloak) had finally completed. I had a Prowler in the hangar and ready to fit, and I was eager to tinker with the new setup.

It turns out the Prowler is lower on mid slots and CPU than my beloved Crane, making it a challenge to fit up for the combat role I use these ships in. Not impossible, just tricky and expensive, so I was back and forth to Jita several times last night looking for mods that would fit.

By the time I was done, it was very late. I went out into the belts for a maiden voyage, and encountered SPJR mining into a jet can. Of course, I relieved him of his ore. While hauling the first of two shipments home, he wrote the following in local:

SPJR > you better bring that shit back right now

This made me fall off my chair laughing. Oh, really? Or else, what?

On the other hand Jim’s been riding these boys fairly hard, so I stayed quiet in local. Others did not:

Ranger Miriya > what happen sp
SPJR > Some dick just looted my 20k of ore
Ranger Miriya > what he in
SPJR > transport ship
SPJR > his names marlenus
Ranger Renlea > thats a bunch of crap. put a bounty on his head and we go hunting
SPJR > how i do that dude im new to this shit
SPJR > i have to be docked dont i?
Ranger Renlea > go into a station that has a bounty office and place bounty

I’m thinking “Good luck with that” but I hold my peace. They’ll learn the bounty rules in due time.

I do have to say, though, that I don’t comprehend the foul language. It seems like every time in this game that I’m considering lightening up on somebody because they are new, they come across all potty-mouth, which only convinces me they need extra pounding until they learn some humility or at least some politeness. Do they think it’s intimidating? Do they think it’s persuasive? Do they think it makes them look tougher if they talk tougher? I’ve never understood the theory of victory that underlies vulgar smack (except of course in the situation where you want to goad your enemy into fighting harder or stupider).

So. That was last night.

This morning, I took my shiny new (and as yet, unblooded) Prowler out for a prowl. Guess who I found?

Yup, SPJR. Destroyer mining into two Giant Secure Cans. Ah hah! Progress! They’ve finally abandoned the jet can!

Unfortunately, whoever gave them that tip didn’t tell them about anchoring. :(

So, as I’m looking at these two juicy GSCs that need plucking, despairing at my new friends from Gunslinger Squad and wondering how many expensive lessons they will need, what do you suppose appeared in local chat?

You guessed it: vulgar smacktalk. And not just any old vulgar smack; this was the best kind: premature, unjustifiably triumphalist vulgar smack!

SPJR > cant steal now can you? fuck head

You know Ironfleet. You know me. You know what happened next.

I couldn’t scoop both cans into the Prowler, so I scooped one of them, then took ore from the other to fill up my nooks and crannies. Now I’m flashing red to SPJR in his mining destroyer, but he seems reluctant to shoot. Fine, I’ll take his marbles and go home.

While warping home, I had to opine in local:

Marlenus > There are nuances to the use of Giant Secure Containers that you have not yet discovered.

And then, of course, I had to go back for the other can.

SPJR was still there, the can was still there, I scooped it. Then I began aligning for home. Anybody want to play shooty shooty? I was in no hurry.

At this point, MasterGladiator drops out of warp in his Badger II. Fine, maybe he was trying to save his GCS. No, wait, what’s this? He’s locking me! In the Badger! And it’s shooting! And I’m warp scrambled!


Damned if he didn’t engage me in a very creditable BattleBadger. His damage was decent for his age and skills, he had some anti-gunnery ECM fitted (which didn’t affect my missile launcher), and he came with a tackle and the blood lust to try and use it. After the haplessnesses that Jim encountered, I was impressed.

So, after I locked him back, scrambled him, and started shooting heavy missiles at him, I said so in local:

Marlenus > A creditable battle badger, good work!

I also noticed that SPJR in the mining destroyer had left the field — a surprise, as I expected them to double-team me. I guess he went home to refit for combat.

The Badger II went down slowly but surely. His damage never got through my shields, but he certainly was denting them. Just before he went pop, SPJR reappeared on the grid, this time in a Merlin.

As the Merlin was locking me, I finished the Badger:

2008.12.08 18:43:00

Victim: MasterGladiator
Corp: GunSlingerSquad Corp
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Badger Mark II
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 4820

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Faction: NONE
Ship: Prowler
Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 4820

Destroyed items:

Warp Disruptor II
ECCM Projector I
Medium C5-L Emergency Shield Overload I

Dropped items:

280mm Gallium I Cannon
M51 Iterative Shield Regenerator
Medium Azeotropic Ward Salubrity I
Proton S, Qty: 4952 (Cargo)

Now it’s Merlin time!

Wait, can I even hit a Merlin with heavy missiles these days?

The answer, it turns out is “yes, but not very hard.” I’d have to say our damage output seemed roughly equal. But of course, my shields were much bigger than his. He was warp scrambling me hard, and hitting me with ECM that might have helped if I was shooting guns, but he was having trouble doing enough damage to hurt me. He clearly had the speed advantage, though, so he could have escaped at any time. To his credit, he didn’t; I figured he was trying to hold me until the Badger pilot could come back in another ship.

Which, indeed, happened. MasterGladiator showed up in another Cormorant destroyer. By now the Merlin is in deep armor, and my shields are pretty much gone. If the Cormie had been fit for serious damage, this could start to hurt.

So, I decided to turn on my shield booster, and went back to finishing the Merlin:

2008.12.08 18:47:00

Victim: SPJR
Corp: GunSlingerSquad Corp
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Merlin
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 1420

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Faction: NONE
Ship: Prowler
Weapon: Caldari Navy Havoc Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1420

Destroyed items:

Gremlin Rocket, Qty: 3119 (Cargo)
Power Diagnostic System I
Small ‘Knave’ I Energy Drain, Qty: 2
Gremlin Rocket, Qty: 32
Cold-Gas I Arcjet Thrusters

Dropped items:

‘Malkuth’ Rocket Launcher I, Qty: 2
Tracking Speed Disruption
Phalanx Rocket, Qty: 3499 (Cargo)
Gremlin Rocket, Qty: 32
Warp Disruptor I
DDO Photometry I Targeting Interference
Warp Core Stabilizer I

MasterGladiator had time to get a fair few licks in before the Merlin went pop, but nothing my shields weren’t handling. I turned off the shield booster so he wouldn’t get discouraged, scrambled him, and got to work. It went pretty fast (the old saw about Destroyers and heavy missiles not mixing remains true). And this one looked to be a mining fit, not a fighting fit:

2008.12.08 18:52:00

Victim: MasterGladiator
Corp: GunSlingerSquad Corp
Alliance: NONE
Faction: NONE
Destroyed: Cormorant
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 3877

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: Tear Extraction And Reclamation Service
Faction: NONE
Ship: Prowler
Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 3877

Destroyed items:

Tungsten Charge S, Qty: 2190 (Cargo)
125mm Railgun I (Cargo)
Medium Shield Booster I
Miner II
Small Shield Extender I
Rocket Launcher I
Light Ion Blaster I
Tungsten Charge S, Qty: 72
Phalanx Rocket
Pyroxeres, Qty: 65 (Cargo)

Dropped items:

Uranium Charge S, Qty: 55 (Cargo)
Phalanx Rocket, Qty: 244 (Cargo)
Iron Charge S, Qty: 100 (Cargo)
150mm Railgun I
125mm Compressed Coil Gun I (Cargo)
Monopropellant I Hydrazine Boosters
Small Shield Extender I
Tungsten Charge S, Qty: 120
125mm Compressed Coil Gun I

By now, however, I was genuinely impressed by the creativity and sheer combat spunk these guys were showing me; they were outclassed, but they weren’t giving up. So I complimented them again in local:

Marlenus > Thanks guys, that was a lot of fun. With that kind of combat determination you’ll go far in EVE, I mean this as serious praise

Sad to say, they aren’t such good sports off the field as they are on it.

SPJR > Yeah thats fucked up though pickin on some newbies
Marlenus > Er, you attacked me, remember? There was no “picking on”
SPJR > well you stole from us what you expect us to do just watch
Marlenus > That’s just business. I expect you to defend yourself, which you did quite well, actually
Marlenus > But you might want to reconsider the arrogant smack in local *before* anything has happened to you

No response. Any bets on whether they were receptive to the advice?

I honestly do think these guys (if indeed there are two of them) have a future in EVE. They are right on the steep part of the learning and earning curve right now, but they do learn from their mistakes, they do adapt their tactics, and they have plenty of aggressiveness. Now, if they can only learn not to pointlessly antagonize people, or even (dare I hope?) to remember it’s all just a game, they could go far.

8 Responses to “Foul Mouthed Scrappers Lose Three Ships”

  1. Jim says:

    Fun. Nice setup from Bridger and amusing three-part coup de grace.

  2. Julian says:

    A sound lesson to be sure. I am also suitably impressed with their drive and aggressiveness. I only wish that I could find similarly energetic pilots in my stomping grounds. Although a certain level of passivity can be expected from the new player populations, it is more than a little discouraging to get a good fight going only to have the opposing pilot sulkily ‘take the football and go home’ after the first loss.

  3. Mynxee says:

    Stories like these make me smile. I bet those two will become pirates eventually :)

  4. Talinthi says:

    yet again another amusing encounter!! keep up the good work.

  5. MorbidPenguin says:

    I haven’t played EVE in a while – new job keeps me pretty busy. Great stories like this, however, keep me yearning to come back for more!

    Keep up the great work, Ironfleet!

  6. threeDspider says:

    I’m gone for a week and suddenly the front page is full of new entries! Best Christmas present ever :) (since it isn’t Christmas yet and I haven’t gotten a Christmas present yet :p)

  7. Murdock Jones says:

    Ahe, makes me miss our encounters Marlenus. I’ll never forget those days in AC-ME. lol

  8. Marlenus says:

    Murdock! Yeah, that was a fun war.

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