I had a LOL today while reading the official forums like no LOL I’ve had since Chebri sent me a cease and desist letter with implied threat of suing me (me, Marlenus, a fictional character in a computer game) for libeling her (her, Chebri, another fictional character).

Today’s LOL involved Kyuzo Takeda of the Black Dragon Crime Syndicate, posting a fairly normal and restrained public warning against somebody who was using the courier contracts system to set up suicide ganks. Gank, retain collateral, profit. So far, so normal.

Kyuzo got the usual Melvin-voiced “Ha HA!” trolls, plus a couple of fairly polite and helpful sets of advice for avoiding that sort of misfortune in future. To all of which he responded, fairly sanely:

Thanks for the advice. Although it doesn’t seem right. That they allow that to happen so freely.

Somebody random asks: “This is EVE, how does that not seem right?”

And then the wheels fell off the bus. Kyuzo again:

It’s not right because real stealing is not right. That isk I used as collateral was isk I paid for using the legal time-code selling market that CCP sponsers and supports. So either Baronsold stole real money from me or CCP did. Either way, if you have any morals, you would see it’s not right. Flawed game mechanics cost me real money.

At this point it doesn’t matter what any of you think though. I’ve taken this to a higher level than just a forum alert. I’ve already filed a formal complaint with IC3 and NW3C. As well as reporting it to my commanding officer in my chain of command. (i’m in the military).

Either way, I am not letting anyone steal real money from me. No different than if a thief breaks into my house and steals something.

Ohmigod, did he just say he went into his commanding officer’s office to complain that he’d been victimized by pirates flying internet spaceships? Scratch one promising military career!

Did he really report this terrible crime to The Internet Crime Complaint Center? (That’s “a partnership between the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the National White Collar Crime Center, and the Bureau of Justice Assistance.”)

Did he really report this heinous victimization to the National White Collar Crime Center?

I’d love to have the video of the reaction he got from his commanding officer. And I really, really, want to see his face when somebody in the business of fighting real crime tries to explain that when he logged into EVE, he consented to everything that might happen “to him” while logged in.

Update: Oh god, it just keeps getting better. If he really did this he is in for a world of pain when his “chain of command” figures out the true nature of his beef:

Not when the situation is worded ever so carefully, by stating basic facts on the situation. They don’t view it any different than if someone credit card scammed you on the internet. To put it in your language: “Sir, this company in Europe stole $200.00 from me.” Either way, I gave him all of CCP’s contact information and he told me he would take care of it personally, and also contact the legal branch here on base. Either way, CCP can expect some phone calls from several United States military officers; and perhaps even some people from IC3, if they accept my case as well.

“So, let’s see if I’ve got this straight. You used real money to buy some kind of Monopoly money, or something like that, from some people in, where was it again, Iceland? And then you used this electronic Monopoly money to play a spaceship game, and to buy, what was it again? Brain implants? I can see why you might think you need them. And then you put them in the cargo hold of a computer game spaceship, right? And went and flew it, and got caught by internet pirates? And that’s like, what the game is for, right? So now, you think, the people who run the game, should give your money back? Why don’t you run that by me again, I still think I’m missing a step. And once we’re done with this conversation — which had better be soon — I’ll see if we still have a Navy base in the Aleutian Islands where I can get you transferred.”

5 Responses to “Complaining Up The Chain Of Command”

  1. mbp says:

    Lol indeed. It wouldn’t be half so funny if the guy hadn’t come across so reasonably for his first few posts.

    Nice blog by the way – I found it by following the link from your thread comments.

    Question from an EVE newbie about your towing and salvage operations: What are the security implications of picking up stuff that is tagged to other players. Does it give you a security hit? Will Concord squash you if you do it in high sec? I assume at very least the offended party gets an aggression timer on you for a few minutes. Does salvaging other folks wrecks apply the same rules?

    Oops – I guess I am asking too many dumb questions. Feel free to ignore them. Its just that I see all these tempting looking cans sitting out in space (often in high sec systems). So far I have not given in to temptation because I assume that the can owner is sitting behind an asteroid waiting to pop out and blast me but …..

  2. LOL! says:

    OMG THE LOL!!!

  3. Marlenus says:

    Hey, MBP.

    The short version is — no sec status or faction hits, and no Concord, ever, for looting or salvaging anything.

    No agro — no players allowed to shoot you — for activating a salvage mod. Ever.

    If you remove loot items from a wreck or can that does not belong to you, there will never be a Concord response. But the owner of the wreck (and that gets complex as to who it is, sometimes) can shoot at you. As can members of his player corp at least (I’m not 100% sure about all of the tricky details of gangs, alliances, and so forth).

    Of course, once somebody shoots at you, you can shoot back at them.

    The details get rather frayed at the edges once the scrimmage is on. But the simple things are simple. Salvage freely, expect to get shot at if you loot, don’t worry about Concord unless you shoot at somebody who isn’t already flashing red at you. Don’t ever worry about faction or security status, they don’t apply here.

  4. Marlenus says:

    Oh yes, and the most fun of all — scooping “secure” cans that have not been anchored is crime-free. The owner can do nothing but shake his fist in impotent fury, and impugn your ancestry in local.

  5. Eidelon says:

    I laughed a lot at this post.

    Excellent work. Keep it up!


Leave a Reply