I am increasingly finding myself in the position of teaching hard lessons to newer players. I don’t do this with scorn — we were all new once — but I do find myself wondering sometimes if I’m the first hostile opponent they have ever encountered in EVE.

Tonight when I logged in, the first banter in local I saw was:

Tang Ra > hes robbing u
NeoEclipse > ya i saw that..
Tang Ra > a lots of nasty ppl in this game

That was enough hint of loose ore waiting to be salvaged for me; I jumped in my Crane and went salvage hunting.

Sure enough, I found NeoEclipse hanging in the belts in a destroyer, near a jetcan. He’s in a corp, and his mining lasers were not lit. Real, or bait? No matter, I’ll chance it.

Sadly, the can was light — not even a Craneload. Still, I emptied it. And bedamned if he didn’t launch some drones and sic them on me!

Alert for a trap, I nonetheless did the necessary. It was fast and ugly, because his drones were his only weapon and he had no tank except for his small armor repper:

2008.06.03 06:45:00

Victim: NeoEclipse
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Galactic Revolutionary Forces
Destroyed: Exequror
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 4357

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.4
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Havoc Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 3839

Name: Guristas Despoiler / Guristas
Damage Done: 518

Destroyed items:

Rich Plagioclase, Qty: 1114 (Cargo)
Small Armor Repairer I
Miner II, Qty: 2
Hornet I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)
Survey Scanner I

Dropped items:

Miner I
Co-Processor I
Miner II
Hornet I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)
Basic Co-Processor

Ugly! What was he thinking? Ah, there’s a hint — he’s less than two weeks old. Did he, do you suppose, take from this a salutory lesson, and resolve never again get cocky in a ship that’s packing a full rack of mining lasers?

His remarks in local suggest… maybe not. And dig the supportive-but-inarticulate sidekick who chimes in part way through the conversation:

NeoEclipse > u fuck
NeoEclipse > Marlenus
Marlenus > LOL, attacking the helpless hauler not such a good idea?
NeoEclipse > ya i guess so. but now im goin to have you killed for sure. everytime i see you in this zone im goin to bait the shit out of u with everyone in here.
Marlenus > Good luck with that.
NeoEclipse > this is my base so it wont be hard
Marlenus > We’ll see I guess.
Esplin9466 > jes vee vill
NeoEclipse > i hope everyone can read in this area and marks you down. freakin idiot. 2 yr player and total jackass.
Marlenus > LOL, if they can’t read it here, they can read all about it on the Ironfleet Towing And Salvage blog at Ironfleet.com
Marlenus > And you attacked a transport ship in a mining cruiser with no guns, who was the idiot again?
NeoEclipse > u are..just to remind you. you are
Marlenus > If that’s what you have to tell yourself, OK I guess…
Esplin9466 > goo bagz
Esplin9466 > = bagz of goo
Esplin9466 > jizzimous goo

I confess I came closer to taunting the poor boy than I usually like to do, but he was trying so hard to offend me, it seemed a pity not to rise to his bait a little bit.

Jizzimous Goo, over and out…

2 Responses to “Mining Cruiser Attacks Helpless Hauler, Kaboom At Eleven”

  1. Shirrath says:

    Speaking as an owner of a two-week-old character with the exact same ship.. I have to wonder what he was thinking. He’s probably never seen a blockade runner before, but if a T1 industrial can tank a battlecruiser long enough to warp out.. a mining/repair cruiser won’t have a snowball’s chance in hell. Unfortunately, the old adage “Know your enemy”, let alone it’s counterpart “Know yourself”, seem to be lost to him.

  2. Marlenus says:

    That’s just it. Stats-wise, the Crane is basically just a light cruiser with a (smallish) indy-sized cargo bay and a slot for one heavy missile launcher. Anybody with a combat-fitted cruiser would make me work for it, but I haven’t met an honest mining cruiser yet that has any hope of hurting me.

    So, yeah. He thought I was helpless and that he’d pwn me with his drones. An easy mistake to make, especially when you’re new. He’s far from the first to make it, and indeed I’ve had people make it who’ve played longer than me, that cruiser just last week in fact.

    But what I don’t get is, he shot at me first, it was a bad mistake, and that makes me an idiot? I’m still trying to parse that out.

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