Ironfleet Towing And Salvage

Thanks to Mike Seary.

By my count, the not-yet-retracted war by VampireZim’s CLDRI against Ironfleet Towing and Salvage is the ninth war declared (by the Zimster, his alts, allies, associates, and for all I know, buttboys) in pursuit of vengeance for something that happened more than two years ago.

I’m not sure, it could be more. Ironfleet has had at least one mercenary dec us for reasons never explained.

In all those nine wars, my entire losses to date have been one day-old alt in a shuttle, popped, then caught again in his reaper, and podded. I think, but am not sure, that one of my old corpies from back in the day may have lost a small ship also. I also had some giant secure cans go missing during the first war, but I’d count those as a loss for the other side, given the time and missiles needed to blow up a giant secure can.

As the Six Fingered Man in The Princess Bride might say: “Are you still trying to WIN? You’ve got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance.”

So, I know you’re all wondering. What terrible misdeed did Ironfleet Towing And Salvage commit on June 21, 2006, in our massive rumbling fleet of three, yes THREE awesome and fear-inspiring Caracals and one Maulus frigate, piloted by a fearsome crew (that’s us) of intrepid salvagers, the oldest of whom (me) was all of two months and nine days old?

Aside: now that I see it in print, that date of our infamous crime is precisely two years prior to the recent (now-retracted) wardec from BLOOD. Coincidence? Could be. Maybe not.

Ah yes, the crime. You want to hear about the crime.

To tell you about the crime, you have to understand that when I started EVE, most missions were taking place near the stargates, so that when you travelled anywhere, you would see these vast “canstellations” of loot cans. I quickly discovered that the ISK from cleaning those up was vastly better than from anything else a noob pilot could do. Yeah, sometimes an irate Navy Raven pilot would lob torpedoes at my Condor, but that was more exhilarating than dangerous.

I did try mining (boring) and mission running (same) and ratting (great until I ran out of challenging rats in high-sec). When I tried to go to .4 space for better rats, they started spawning cruisers with heavy missiles; since I was in a destroyer with low skills, that ended badly. I never even got a chance to meet a pirate, lucky me. So I went back to cleaning up canstellations, and started saving up for a Caracal so I could have some of those heavy missiles for my own. Yes, friends, my ongoing enthusiasm for heavy missiles can be directly traced to about sixty very bad seconds in Horrkenson when I lost my first destroyer to some Gurista pirate cruisers.

Right about then, I had some friends who were interested in the game, so I gave them some timecards and set up Ironfleet Towing And Salvage, bought them some frigates, pointed them at the canstellations, and told them to get to work.

Which they did, after a fashion, but unlike me, they also enjoyed mission running. So they did that too.

Then came the fateful day when I was warping from moon to moon in Eitu, trying to find some of the famous Player Owned Stations (POSs) I had been reading about on the forums. Found some, too. And one of them, interestingly enough, was out of fuel, offline, and had no force field. It did, however, have several labs, a ship assembly array, some silos, all kinds of stuff.

The POS belonged to an outfit named Caldari Manufacturing Corp. Member count: 1. Founder and CEO, you guessed it: VampireZim.

And that’s when my salvager instinct kicked in. What would happen, I wondered, if I blew up some of those labs and silos? Would candy fall out of the pinata?

I hit the forums. There I found an interesting thing — there was a dispute going on about whether Concord would respond to an attack on a high-sec POS. Some said yes, some said no. And nobody seemed to know whether loot could fall out; again, some said yes, some said no.

I figured it was time to conduct some salvage science.

First thing I did was jump in an Ibis and go shoot at a (different) POS I had found. Ping, ping, ping, the peas from my civilian Gatling peashooter struck it, buffet after puny buffet.

Concord did not trouble itself with this modest problem.

So I called in the troops. By now Ironfleet could muster three Caracals and a Maulus frigate in space at one time, so at an appointed hour, we all showed up and began blasting POS modules. Each one took awhile, but we had plenty of time.

By the time we had blown up perhaps a third of the modules, I was receiving an urgent communique from one VampireZim. It was at that moment that I encountered my first EVE smacktalk. (Before that, I had been a smacktalk virgin.)

And my, how the smack was smacked! Sadly I do not have the chat logs any more, so I cannot give you particulars. But names were called, and threats were made, and we were all going to die repeated and bloody deaths until we were podded out of the game and left wallowing in freakish misery forever. Or something like that.

It was not a communique calculated to preserve his assets. Heck, he could have probably offered us three million ISK in ransom and we would have gone away stupidly happy, but we were too clueless to ask and he was too frothy to offer.

As well hung for a sheep as for a lamb, we kept on popping POS modules. And VampireZim kept on convo-smacking.

By the time we’d blown up about half the modules, we were (a) low on missiles, and (b) not seeing any loot cans. And my corpies were starting to worry about the retribution. Just about then, VampireZim switched from threats to pleading; now, he was saying, if we’d only stop shooting, he’d take back all the violent death threats and promise not to declare war on us. Otherwise, of course, we’d be wardecced into freakish misery, etc.

So we stopped shooting. And told Zim we’d accepted his generous peace offering.

About two minutes later (why were we still there? I have NO idea at this time), Zim’s Nighthawk (and yes, it was the first time any of us had seen one) came screaming out of warp and began trying to blow us all to hell, which apparently he had blinky red rights to do in consequence of our aggressive salvaging behavior in regards to his former assets.

We left, hurridly but in our ships. And contemplated our first lesson in EVE honor.

Eve honor, Lesson One: VampireZim does not have any.

Naturally, the smacktalk from Zim continued. Doomed, doomed, we were all to be eternally doomed. EVE was over for us. Zim and his big brothers and his ebil pirate friends and their mommas were all going to pod us repeatedly until the pod goo runs clear, or some such. I wish I had those chat logs. I was civil but unsympathetic, as I remember it. Zim probably remembers it differently.

Then came the first of many war declarations:

2006.06.22 08:35
Caldari Manufacturing Corp has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

That was swiftly followed by an utterly ridiculous and somewhat extortionate demand for compensation:

I have declared war on your corp and you will be getting a second declaration from my sister pirate corp. This war will continue until you pay Caldari Manufacturing 250MILL ISK. Until then, we will hunt you no matter where you go, you and your 3 ALTS.

BTW, in our chat, when I mentioned re-embursment, I meant, on your part, not mine, moron. Your re-embursment is 250MILL, until then I hope you dont mind being shot at where ever you go.

See you in my sites.

The chat reference is to an exchange I no longer have, but I remember it; he said “Reimbursement WILL be paid” or something to that effect, to which I replied in an admittedly feeble attempt at humor: “Oh, you are going to reimburse us for the missiles we spent?”

Apparently he didn’t find this funny.

The “sister pirate corp” declaration was not far behind:

2006.06.22 08:53
Blood Raiders Dominion has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

Now, the reasons I called the reimbursement demand “utterly ridiculous” are twofold. First, I believe the amount was way out of proportion to the damage we did. More to the point, I’d be surprised if Ironfleet Towing And Salvage had fifty million in total assets at that time. We couldn’t have paid if we wanted to, which we didn’t.

Second, as I told VampireZim, paying him anything at all was looking like a fool’s game, since he’d already broken his word once:

LOL, pretty funny — since you don’t honor your commitments, what possible advantage could there be to paying you “reimbursement”?

You already said you wouldn’t declare war, and accepted valuable consideration for that promise. If you break that promise, why would we assume you’d keep the next one, and end the war if we paid your demands?

Obviously, we can’t believe you. So, it will be a cold day in hell.

Cordially –

Marlenus

My skepticism seems to have been well-founded, because Zim’s very next email made it clear he never intended to honor his promise to drop the war if paid:

First of all why the fuck would I honor a promise to someone who has attacked and robbed me? I have declared war, the vote is on and in one day you will see everyone in my corp blinking red, just before your ship explodes.

Which turned out to be a grandiose promise. I think he got a target lock on me, once; but to this day I have never lost a ship. I did have an alt that one of his alts caught coming from Minmatar space in a shuttle; he blew the shuttle, caught the alt again in his reaper, and blew the reaper, podding the day-old alt. This is all the satisfaction VampireZim has ever had from Ironfleet Towing and Salvage.

More emails to demonstrate The Joy Of Zim. After the bizarre robbery allegation, I wrote:

Precision in language, my good man, is always valuable. We didn’t rob you — in fact, we didn’t remove an ounce of loot.

And as for why you would honor your commitments, only you can answer that. But if you *won’t* honor your commitments, it’s rather silly to offer your word a second time in regards to war termination, isn’t it?

– Marlenus

And he replied:

You did rob me, by destroying my property. Just because your a moron and didnt know you wouldnt gain anything is not my problem.

You have robbed me and I will get re-embursment or I will take it out in the destruction of your property.

I will not honor my word against a tyrant who goes around destroying peoples property, without provocation.

You will pay, because eventually you will want to fly a better ship, unless you plan on quiting eve, you will eventually be flying ships that you WILL regret losing.

this conversation is over, pay or die.

To this day I am laughing over his ability to say “pay or die” in the same email as he says “I will not honor my word.” If he won’t honor his word, why on earth would anybody pay him? If it’s a choice between “die” and “pay AND die” I’d rather just die, thanks.

So I wrote back:

Well, as Fezzik the Giant said to the Sicilian: “I don’t think that word means what you think that word means.” You can’t be robbed if nothing is taken away, and we took nothing away.

I’ll admit, however, that you were rather heinously vandalized.

As for paying, it’s simply *not* going to happen. You’ve proven there’s no *point* in paying you anything — you admit you won’t honor your word, so what’s to stop you from taking the money and continuing all this pain you say you’re planning to visit upon us?

I’ll point out once again that you simply can’t hurt us — we don’t have anything that will hurt when it goes boom. You guys, on the other hand, do. (As I think was rather ably proven tonight.) So if the war goes on long enough, the odds are in our favor — however newbish we may be, we’re bound to get lucky eventually.

It’s entirely up to you, my young corpmates are looking forward to the war in any case. Me, I don’t much care. We aren’t flying *anything* that isn’t fully insured, and (perhaps you’ve forgotten) standard Tech I gear is really cheap. You simply can’t hurt us, no matter how many ships you pop. I figure you’ll get bored soon enough when you never find any juicy war targets.

Marlenus, over and out.

The conversation may have been over, but VampireZim was not done talking:

First of all I told you I am not a war corp, going to war with you is to defend my honor.

You will eventually be flying ships that are valuable. I welcome your attack on my POS now, I have had an army of BS attack my POS, a few frigs and cruisers arent going to stand a chance. So you see I have nothing to lose. Your entire corp could attack my one NIGHTHAWK and i would end you all. I dont intend to lose anything more.

There is no such thing as FULLY insured btw. Also insurance costs money.

Hehe, bored? NO doing missions day after day is boring, going to war is going to be FUN. Specially since I know its against a little pee on, it will be worth just seeing your ships pop in front of an audience.

It must be sad to be a man with no honor, who also can’t spell the word “peon.”

And that, really, is the last I ever heard from VampireZim. A week later, one more war dec:

2006.06.26 18:07
Murder-Death-Kill has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

That one actually impressed me; at the time, Murder-Death-Kill had something of an impressive reputation as a mercenary corp. Zim had been doing a terrible job of finding us (except for the AFK alt in the shuttle); I thought maybe the MDK boys would be more dangerous. I believe the CEO, one Xaeon, did manage to get in the same system as me one time; but for the most part, they did not even try to bring it. (Zim and his many alts and associates, however, did spend a lot of time following me around with location agents.)

After another week, the first two wars expired for nonpayment of war bills, and MDK retracted theirs. I guess this was supposed to lull me into a false sense of security.

Two weeks later, two more wardecs:

2006.07.08 20:36
Caldari Manufacturing Corp has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

2006.07.08 21:46
Blood Raiders Dominion has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

These lasted three weeks before expiring for non-payment of the war bill.

The peace lasted three weeks, until the next outbreak of unprosecuted wardec Tourette’s Syndrome:

2006.08.23 09:56
Noobie Pirates Militia has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

2006.08.23 10:02
Caldari Manufacturing Corp has declared war on Ironfleet Towing And Salvage.
After 24 hours fighting can legally occur between those involved.

The Noobie Pirates Militia, it turns out, was founded by D34TH, one of the CLDRI boys in local tonight; although closed, it’s also visible in Max Threat’s employment history, and Max Threat is (if not a VampireZim alt) prone to logging in and logging out at the same time Zim does.

Those two wars lasted a week, no action, and were quietly canceled by Concord when the war bills went unpaid.

In all the time since, I’ve only had one conversation with VampireZim. I was in some new-to-me system looking for ore to salvage, and he saw me in local, said something to the effect of “get out of this system and stay out, or it’s war again.” Which made me laugh, seeing as how all seven previous wars had come to nothing, and also seeing as how I was only passing through.

So that’s it, the whole epic tale. Nine wars (by six different corps) later, and VampireZim has still not had his revenge. Which is why it says, right up there in the “About Ironfleet” page, that VampireZim drinks carrot juice.

The funny part about all of this is that Zim has a right to be aggrieved. But by breaking his word to us within ten seconds of the first time we ever saw him in local, he utterly destroyed any chance of a negotiated settlement for his legitimate grievance. Nine wardecs later, he’s still spending money chasing ancient grudges that he can’t possibly hope to settle.

So there I was, sniffing around the Nourv/Tama gate in a fast-locking Manticore stealth bomber, watching the traffic flow in an attempt to decide whether it was safe to jump through.

Gate fires, there’s an admonishment to criminals, and suddenly there’s a flashy red pirate sitting there in a gallente shuttle.

Control-click. Lock. One cruise missile. Boom.

Hey, look, a pod. Control-click. Lock. Cruise missile. Boom.

Mail? Why do I have mail? From Concord?

“For your termination of Nuttsauce we have paid you the bounty that was set to his head: 10,720,000 ISK.”

My first ever EVE bounty! Very cool.

I’ve never been a fan of flashy red pirates — something to do with the unfortunate loss of my first caracal — and in my experience, players with stupid sex-related jokes for names tend to be assholes. So I think I did the world a favor collecting that bounty. Then I checked the bio, and found some racist bullshit in there. All in all, an excellent expenditure of Caldari Navy cruise missiles!

I don’t think I’ve ever blogged about exactly why Ironfleet Towing And Salvage is not a fan of VampireZim, the notorious carrot juice drinker and wearer of feminine undergarments. For now, it suffices to say he was the first serious asshole we encountered in Eve. (To be fair, we did him an injury first, so he, too, would be justified in holding a grudge.)

I was a little bit dismayed to notice the other day that he’s joined the Caldari militia.

So today, I was undocking as he was docking, me in a disposable Caracal (same thing I was flying when first we met, though I thought more highly of it then) and him in his Crow. He locks me, in high sec. Yeah, yeah, “and a friendly greeting to you, too.”

For the next five minutes he followed me around, keeping me locked. I was loaded for small targets and I was really hoping he’d be foolish enough to pull the trigger, but sadly, no.

Then I looked at militia chat. Hmm, who do you suppose was being talked about?

VampireZIM > can you shoot other militia people in high sec? can you shoot them in low sec?
jameszhao55 > yes to both
Vibenation 2 > yes
VampireZIM > really? so its like being in the same corp then?
The Balance > yes.
jameszhao55 > no wardecced
Vibenation 2 > well more like war target
The Balance > same thing in this situation.
VampireZIM > i mean, same militia, not war targets
VampireZIM > so let me get this straight, you can fire on other state militia in secure space?
Steve Celeste > duh
Steve Celeste > its a war
Tiger K > sigh
VampireZIM > steve, you know what STATE MILITIA is?
Tiger K > the question is can a member of state protectorate, as in the caldari militia, fire upon another member of the CALDARI militia in highsec
Krall Amarr > No tiger
Isikana > nop
Tiger K > there vampire :p
VampireZIM > ok, thats what i thought, so its like a regular alliance
Isikana > -sec loss, -cal state stanging loss for engaging a fellow militia member

So I was looking at Jim’s FW “kills” in the corp tab for such things — I haven’t seen too many killmails with lots of parties, and I was enjoying the stories they tell. Right before Jim lost his second destroyer, he did some of the shooty shooty on a rifter –and it dropped faction loot! Somebody got a good Gisti Afterburner scoop right about the time Jim went kaboom:

2008.06.12 05:00:00

Victim: Evelynn117
Corp: Kadokura Explorations
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Gallente Federation
Destroyed: Rifter
System: Heydieles
Security: 0.3
Damage Taken: 2143

Involved parties:

Name: Sol Mortis
Security: -1.2
Corp: An Heroes
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Kestrel
Weapon: Warp Scrambler II
Damage Done: 721

Name: Thilonys
Security: -0.1
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Huginn
Weapon: Huginn
Damage Done: 644

Name: Jim Bridger (laid the final blow)
Security: 0.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Thrasher
Weapon: 250mm Light Carbine Howitzer I
Damage Done: 558

Name: Saijax
Security: 0.4
Corp: Vivicide
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Kestrel
Weapon: ‘Malkuth’ Standard Missile Launcher I
Damage Done: 220

Destroyed items:

Fusion S, Qty: 1381 (Cargo)
Warp Disruptor II
EMP S, Qty: 715 (Cargo)
EMP S, Qty: 108
Small Armor Repairer II
200mm Reinforced Crystalline Carbonide Plates I
Hail S, Qty: 2000 (Cargo)

Dropped items:

200mm AutoCannon II, Qty: 3
Gistii B-Type 1MN Afterburner
F-M3 Munition Inertial Suspensor
Titanium Sabot S, Qty: 973 (Cargo)
EMP S, Qty: 54
Salvager I
Patterned Stasis Web I
Initiated Warp Jammer I (Cargo)

Nobody warned me people would be bringing faction-fitted ships to this turkey shoot! Suddenly the impromptu bit of combat zone salvage I was doing tonight in my blockade runner doesn’t seem quite so crazy.

Here are the other killmails Jim got in his first day of FW, oddly enough the same Velator pilot three different times:

2008.06.12 04:57:00

Victim: Modz nGunz
Corp: Avignon Associates Inc.
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Gallente Federation
Destroyed: Capsule
System: Heydieles
Security: 0.3
Damage Taken: 378

Involved parties:

Name: Tyi Ko’rrin
Security: -0.4
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Crow
Weapon: Caldari Navy Bloodclaw Light Missile
Damage Done: 170

Name: Helsir Qyrdun
Security: 4.6
Corp: Electro Fuels
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Rifter
Weapon: 200mm AutoCannon I
Damage Done: 86

Name: Jim Bridger (laid the final blow)
Security: 0.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Thrasher
Weapon: 250mm Light Carbine Howitzer I
Damage Done: 76

Name: Natasha Zenith
Security: 1.7
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Punisher
Weapon: Light Ion Blaster I
Damage Done: 46

Name: Mustafa Alear
Security: 1.0
Corp: Darkness Inc.
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Kestrel
Weapon: OE-5200 Rocket Launcher
Damage Done: 0

Name: flakko
Security: 2.4
Corp: Heaven’s Avatars
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Merlin
Weapon: Merlin
Damage Done: 0

2008.06.12 04:31:00

Victim: Modz nGunz
Corp: Avignon Associates Inc.
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Gallente Federation
Destroyed: Velator
System: Heydieles
Security: 0.3
Damage Taken: 410

Involved parties:

Name: Jim Bridger (laid the final blow)
Security: 0.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Thrasher
Weapon: 250mm Light Carbine Howitzer I
Damage Done: 294

Name: Sasha Contovis
Security: 4.9
Corp: Electro Fuels
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Enyo
Weapon: 150mm Railgun II
Damage Done: 116

Name: Mustafa Alear
Security: 1.0
Corp: Darkness Inc.
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Kestrel
Weapon: Warp Disruptor I
Damage Done: 0

Name: Natasha Zenith
Security: 1.7
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Punisher
Weapon: Fleeting Warp Scrambler I
Damage Done: 0

Name: trilock
Security: 0.8
Corp: State Protectorate
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Kestrel
Weapon: Standard Missile Launcher I
Damage Done: 0

Name: Oziumentisis
Security: 4.4
Corp: The Blade of Xiphos
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Caracal
Weapon: Indirect Scanning Dampening Unit I
Damage Done: 0

Destroyed items:

Tritanium (Cargo)

Dropped items:

Basic Miner
Civilian Light Electron Blaster

2008.06.11 21:02:00

Victim: Modz nGunz
Corp: Avignon Associates Inc.
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Gallente Federation
Destroyed: Velator
System: Oinasiken
Security: 0.2
Damage Taken: 431

Involved parties:

Name: Jim Bridger (laid the final blow)
Security: 0.2
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Alliance: NONE
Faction: Caldari State
Ship: Thrasher
Weapon: 280mm Prototype I Siege Cannon
Damage Done: 431

Destroyed items:

Tritanium (Cargo)
Civilian Light Electron Blaster

Dropped items:

Basic Miner

The Faction Warfare expansion patch is hitting next week, and of course we’re all curious how that will turn out. Right now, it doesn’t look so good; based on the test server and the dev blogs to date, it will be going live without any rewards except for faction standing and some badges/ranks that don’t do anything. The new faction ships are priced too high to make sense (as CCP admits, with a promise of future price rationalization), there isn’t anything else of interest in the faction militia LP stores, the new rats don’t drop much loot (though they do drop tags, for whatever that’s worth), and the missions… ouch.

Yes, the missions, which ask you to jump twenty or thirty jumps (round trip) through hostile gatecamps, then (if you correctly guessed the ship size limits for the mission) fight NPCs in deadspace while a system-wide beacon invites hostile militia to come and interfere with you. For rewards that are currently worse than zero-to-one jump PVE missions in high sec. And not just worse, but much worse. (Yes, they are supposed to auto-adjust — but unless the upper bounds are stunningly high, there’s no way they can auto-adjust high enough to compensate for all that pain.)

Now, I myself am disappointed by these early indications, but perfectly content to wait and see (1) whether things might look better after release, and (2) whether they get tweaked later to make the whole system attractive to the casual player (who needs something more than we’re seeing now, to compensate for loss of access to half of high sec.) However, other people are ranting. I really enjoyed the punchline to this rant about the horrid horrid mission rewards:

I JUST WENT TO FREAKING HELL AND BACK AND ALL YOU GONNA GIVE ME IS A PEANUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mining destroyer kill today. Not particularly unusual or exciting, although I did get most of a jetcan of ore as part of the bargain. But what made me laugh was the private convo I got while pounding through the armor of the Osprey with my one-launcher transport ship:

Heritor Skoliya > пшму ьу ьн щку здуфыу
Marlenus > Don’t speak russian, sorry
Heritor Skoliya > give me my ore please. and stop shooting
Marlenus > No, it’s mine now, and you shot at me first

It’s that line, “give me my ore please, and stop shooting” that made my jaw drop in wonderment. It reminded me of The Princess Bride:

He died well, no bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said, “Please. Please, I need to live.” It was the “please” that caught my memory. I asked him what was so important for him. “True love,” he replied.

But seriously, the man shot at my “helpless hauler” (shot Caldari Navy heavy missiles at me, no less) in his cruiser, discovered I can shoot back, so now he’ll ask nicely, when a moment before he was just going to blow me out of space? Sorry tovareesh, it’s a bit late for “please”, don’t you think?

Seriously, I don’t think he’s playing the same Eve as me. But he still goes boom real good:

2008.05.24 22:16:00

Victim: Heritor Skoliya
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Caldari Provisions
Destroyed: Osprey
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 4008

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Havoc Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 4008

Name: Guristas Imputor / Guristas
Damage Done: 0

Destroyed items:

100mm Reinforced Nanofiber Plates I
Miner II
Mining Drone I, Qty: 3 (Drone Bay)
Survey Scanner I

Dropped items:

Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile, Qty: 205 (Cargo)
Heavy Missile Launcher I
100mm Reinforced Steel Plates I
Miner II, Qty: 2
Mining Drone I (Drone Bay)
Concentrated Veldspar, Qty: 4788 (Cargo)
Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile, Qty: 25

Thank you, Heritor Skoliya, for the donation of the Miner IIs and the Navy missiles. Next time, try asking nicely before you start shooting at the helpless hauler. You still won’t get your ore back, but it might save you getting your cruiser pwned by a lumbering industrial ship with one high slot and a sig radius the size of Cleveland.

Here’s the cleaned up combat log, which I find interesting because it’s the first duel I’ve been in where both sides were shooting nothing but a single heavy missile launcher apiece:

[ 22:13:51 ] (combat) Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile belonging to Heritor Skoliya hits you, doing 85.1 damage.
[ 22:13:59 ] (notify) You have started trying to warp scramble Heritor Skoliya (Osprey).
[ 22:14:03 ] (combat) Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile belonging to Heritor Skoliya hits you, doing 85.1 damage.
[ 22:14:03 ] (combat) Your Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 282.8 damage.
[ 22:14:10 ] (combat) Your Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 282.8 damage.
[ 22:14:16 ] (combat) Your Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 282.8 damage.
[ 22:14:16 ] (combat) Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile belonging to Heritor Skoliya hits you, doing 85.1 damage.
[ 22:14:23 ] (combat) Your Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 282.8 damage.
[ 22:14:30 ] (combat) Your Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 190.5 damage.
[ 22:14:30 ] (combat) Caldari Navy Scourge Heavy Missile belonging to Heritor Skoliya hits you, doing 85.1 damage.
[ 22:14:39 ] (combat) Guristas Arrogator hits you, doing 0.6 damage.
[ 22:14:41 ] (notify) Loading the Advanced Heavy Missile into the Missile Launcher Heavy; this will take approximately 10 seconds.
[ 22:14:55 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 247.3 damage.
[ 22:15:02 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 257.9 damage.
[ 22:15:09 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 257.9 damage.
[ 22:15:16 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 257.9 damage.
[ 22:15:24 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 257.9 damage.
[ 22:15:41 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 262.6 damage.
[ 22:15:48 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 286.4 damage.
[ 22:15:56 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 286.1 damage.
[ 22:16:03 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 286.4 damage.
[ 22:16:11 ] (combat) Your Havoc Fury Heavy Missile hits Heritor Skoliya (Osprey), doing 286.4 damage.
[ 22:16:14 ] (notify) Warp Disruptor I deactivates as Lobster Cockroach II begins to explode.
[ 22:16:16 ] (notify) Heavy Missile Launcher II deactivates as Lobster Cockroach II begins to explode.

Sadly, this does not count. Because it was on SISI, the testing server.

I logged into SISI today for the first time in well over a year, to help test the new faction warfare content. There’s no immediate way to sign up for a militia when you’re the CEO of a corp, so I put in my militia application and decided to go looking around in my Hawk.

On the Konola stargate in Isaziwa, I find a Phoenix wreck. What’s a Phoenix? I had to look it up. But the wreck was a big one.

Dreadnaught, it turns out.

Turn on the salvager!

I was surprised to find that my one salvager had a success on the second cycle. I got: 211 conductive polymers, 97 Malfunctioning Shield Emitters, and 238 Ward Consoles. Plus, there were Arbalest torp launchers in the wreck.

None of the stuff matters, because this is on SISI. But I’ve never gotten to salvage a dread “for real”, so this was still fun.

The twenty four hours after war retraction passed without further hostilities, and fighting is now officially over. So, what’s the final body count, and what has Ironfleet learned?

First, the tonnage destroyed.

Chebri’s War: No ship losses on either side (unless you count Chebri’s Ibis that TorpedoTed salvaged.) Chebri had one Blackbird get damaged into structure, so perhaps a small repair bill there.

Effectively a no-tonnage tie.

AC-ME / INDY War:

Ironfleet lost:

1 Kestrel frigate (details)
1 Vexor cruiser (details)

AC-ME lost:

1 Procurer mining barge (details)
1 Iteron Mark V hauler carrying a lot of loot (details, AC-ME Acting CEO Cordus’s loss estimate)
1 Sigil hauler mining/carrying ore (details)
1 Capsule with pilot (Vryder04, amount of metal in head unknown, see above for details)
1 Giant Secure Container (AC-ME 4 in Isaz belts)
many jetcans containing ore

INDY (non AC-ME) lost:

2 Retriever mining barges (details, details)
1 Vexor cruiser (details)
1 Capsule with pilot (accidental podding, implants reimbursed after end of war)

On tonnage, the wars were a clear victory for Ironfleet.

May I pause for a moment to note how astonishing that is? Ironfleet had a total of three pilots in space during this war, and I think the three of us were all in the same system only once during the entire war. AC-ME routinely had five or six combat pilots in space, once they stopped mining and focused on trying to catch us and kill us, and that’s not counting the handful of experienced combat veteran volunteers from the Alliance that they often had flying with them.

I take that as proof that guerrilla warfare can work in EVE, if you can fly cloaked and have enough patience. Hit ‘em where they ain’t, as the saying goes. But of course, it only works against an enemy who has soft targets in space.

Which leads to the money part of the war, and then to the politics. Because, tonnage victory or no, Ironfleet wasn’t fighting this war for the purpose of blowing shit up.

Economic Wins And Losses:

In raw ISK, it looks like a slight win for Ironfleet, thanks again to TorpedoTed’s catching the Iteron.

Ironfleet’s war bill was $100 million isk, versus an estimated few million for Chebri’s. We also paid for a set of +3 implants for Aktala after the war, to avoid bad blood with someone who was never our enemy but for a quirk of game mechanics. Miss Iron’s cruiser turned out to be free — she replaced it cheap in Isaz and then had the purchase price cheerfully refunded by the seller. We also picked up valuable mods from the wrecks of a couple of different mining barges, plus everything we were able to grab from the Iteron wreckage.

There’s also the unknown factor: how much metal was in Vryder04′s head? We’ll never know.

Disruption of Ironfleet’s normal salvage operations cannot be ignored — we did some salvaging during the war, but I was more interested in finding targets. AC-ME’s operations, however, were heavily disrupted. Before the war they had unescorted barges mining in the belts all the time. During the war, those same characters were often found in combat ships, and it was common for me to see all the known AC-ME members who were online in combat ships. They did get some mining done, but only in heavily-guarded operations with more combat pilots than miners. (Of course they got more done at times when Ironfleet was not online — disruption had to be far from absolute.)

It’s also hard to know what was rumor, what was counter-intelligence work, what was psy-ops, and what was maskirovka, but it’s also pretty clear that AC-ME either attempted to move during the war, or put a lot of effort (and an Iteron V full of stuff) into a pretty convincing feint.

So, there’s room for dispute, but I’m calling this as an economic win for Ironfleet, despite the expense of paying war fees against an Alliance.

What about political factors?

First of all, Ironfleet’s war plan just worked. It was audacious and frightening to war dec an entire alliance, but there was a reason for doing it, and we got what we wanted.

The logic of the thing started and ended with my perception that there was a strong and organic link between Chebri and AC-ME. I’ve detailed the reasons I thought so, and had people argue and dispute each individual reason, sometimes with merit and sometimes not. It may be that parts of the connection were weaker than I at first imagined. But in the heart of the business, I was not wrong. I perceived AC-ME as a responsible party in the hostilities, and I still perceive them that way, and nobody much disputes that they were at least an intended beneficiary and enthusiastic cheering squad for Chebri’s war.

Chebri’s war was a problem for Ironfleet, because you can’t hurt a combat pilot even if you can kill them repeatedly, which it seemed unlikely that I could given my available military resources. They live for the fight and they don’t mind losses very much. Unless Ironfleet wanted a state of perpetual war, I had to find leverage. I had to find something I could hurt, something that somebody with influence over Chebri would care about. AC-ME was the only thing I could see that might fill the bill. I wasn’t sure it would, but I thought it was worth a try.

The unknown for me was INDY. A lot of corps, most of which sounded at least somewhat industrial, and AC-ME was a new member. How strongly would INDY respond? How supportive of AC-ME would they be, versus annoyed that their new member came in with stupid and avoidable diplomatic baggage? There was no good way a noob to EVE politics could predict that one.

So, of course Chebri denies any and all influence by anyone. No man is an island, but Chebri is, if you listen to her.

But, let’s review the tape:

Chebri’s war dec was received on 12/25 at 03:57. War went active on 12/26 at 03:57. She must have paid her war bill before 1/2 at 03:57. And again, before 1/9 at 03:57.

Ironfleet’s first AC-ME kill was on 1/04. Our next (the big one) was on 1/7. Our first INDY kill was on 1/8. Our next (AC-ME) was on 1/9 after Chebri paid her war bill. Then on 1/10 toward the end of the day, we made two more INDY kills.

Chebri’s war retraction came in the early hours of 1/11. Coincidence? Possible. But I doubt it. I believe she was persuaded to let her war drop. Why else would she withdraw a war dec with five days paid on it?

So, the war worked. What were the other political gains and losses?

Chebri’s still an enemy, possibly a more implacable one than when the war began. Wars harden hearts, and enemies in EVE always have costs. I doubt we’ve seen the last of her, and I’m sure she’ll never pass up the chance to do us an injury, if she ever sees one.

I think there are a few others in AC-ME who have greater enmity against Ironfleet than they did when the war began. Another political loss.

On the gain side, Ironfleet has several new friends in the vicinity of Isaziwa. Miss Iron in particular (being a nicer person and a better diplomat than me) made some friendly contacts there. But I met some new friends too. AC-ME already had enemies, and some of them like Ironfleet better for the war.

Also on the gain side, some of the AC-ME folks that I knew a bit and liked, I now like better; and some I did not know, I know better and like. There was some nice professional flying and good courtesy during this war, and it was appreciated.

The same goes double for INDY. Independent Faction is a good outfit with some friendly people and some excellent pilots. Ironfleet by its nature is not an alliance-joining sort of corporation, but if we were, I hope we could find one as decent as INDY.

What did I learn?

First, warfare can be fun. I still don’t consider myself a combat pilot — the usual rock/scissors/paper of EVE combat leaves me cold. It’s an adrenaline rush, but I hate those — and the randomness and number of factors outside my control make it uninteresting to me. The only kind of combat I like is the kind where I’ve got the scissors and they’ve got the paper. If I don’t have a pretty good idea that’s what’s happening when I go in, I don’t go in.

But flying the stealth bomber in target-rich space was an absolute blast. I don’t know why these ships are so despised. You get to pick your targets and pick your battles, and if you’re very very careful and very very patient, nobody can touch you. It’s a slow and patient sort of warfare that works much better when you have corpmates in local to find your targets, but it works solo, even against overwhelming odds, if you’re patient enough.

Second, during this war I got a ton of practical experience flying my Manticores, completely overhauled my standard fittings, and gained an enormous amount of confidence in my ability to engage and disengage at will. I also learned a lot about which sort of combat vessels can be killed, which sort can be forced to leave, and which sort just tank the damage and laugh while calling in interceptors.

Third, I think I want one of those Cerberuses. Missile spamming from extreme range? That’s me. I have a new goal, and it’s not that far out of reach.

I’m still a terrible noob at matters martial, but less of one than I was. All in all, the war was a good experience for me and (I think) the rest of Ironfleet.

An anonymous commenter suggested (albeit with a question mark and a smile) that for me, EVE is about “screwing with the community.” To be honest, I find that a bizarre proposition.

I don’t see what I do as screwing with anybody. Do we talk about pirates (who are a much rougher bunch doing a lot more damage than I ever have, while laughing at the misery they strew down their own wakes) as screwing with communities? Not really, they’re just considered a force of nature to be dealt with. People don’t like them, but their play choices are recognized as legitimate.

I know EVE’s not really a role-playing game, but people adopt minor roleplaying elements to enhance their enjoyment. And that’s the story of Ironfleet in a nutshell. When we started this game, folks were doing missions at the stargates and leaving vast “canstellations” of uncollected loot. Scooping that stuff up (often under the guns of the battleships that were still finishing the mission) was the funnest thing we found to do as complete noobs flying cheap frigates. Most of us have gone on to more normal professions, but I’m the die-hard hard core. I still enjoy prospecting for loose stuff, and then securing it and removing it. Flying exotically-fitted cargo ships, finding stuff that’s not nailed down, scooping stuff up (and dealing with all the fallout and consequences and diplomatic excitement that results) is still the most fun I’ve found in this game. There’s nothing in this game that compares, for me, with the satisfaction of finding a ton of unanchored Giant Secure Cans in a belt, coming out in my fully rigged and expanded Bustard, and scooping them ten at a time, peaceful as you please. If there’s a mining operation going on around me and a bunch of screaming people discovering for the first time that you have to anchor your giant secure cans to make them “secure”, that’s a bonus. But it’s not necessary to my fun, and it’s not why I do it. I do it because I want the cans, and whatever is in them. Taking them back to my hangar is how I, personally, feel I’m “winning at EVE”.

So, that’s what Ironfleet does. We’re not in it to mess with people, it’s just that sometimes people feel messed with because what we do is relatively rare and (at least the way we do it) unexpected.

The current war, like our previous ones, is just part of the process. We see the war fee against INDY as an investment in our future. People have to understand that they can’t get away with carrying on industrial operations normally, mining dumb fat and happy in unescorted mining barges, while spinning off a few combat pilots to “punish” Ironfleet while exposing no juicy assets to conflict.

On average I was pulling one shipload of ore out of an AC-ME mining operation every other day or so. It would have been much cheaper for them to have accepted the status quo, rather than sending Chebri after me. This war is intended to help them understand that, and it should accomplish that goal even if I don’t have a single combat success.