Ironfleet Towing And Salvage

I have a confession to make.

After two years in EVE, until night before last I still didn’t have a jump clone. Expensive implants? Yes. (Why do you think I was so hell-bent on not getting caught during the INDY war?) But no jump clone.

It was a pride and faction thing, mostly. I don’t like doing missions well enough to grind the faction, and I love Ironfleet too much to take an employment history excursion into a high-faction corp. Besides, living and salvaging exclusively in high-sec, the only pod risk was during the odd war. It was never really an issue.

But, on the off chance that FW might turn out to be fun, I started doing missions for the first time about two months ago. (Don’t mistake me — I’ve seen missions, I spent months and months flying logistics ships for a friend in his level fours. But I’d never run my own.)

Missions went swiftly (especially level twos) in my Cerberus. But I never did more than about three a day, they were just too boring.

So along comes faction warfare. Jim was having great fun blowing up Thrashers in a big blob, so I decided it was time to get my damned clone and go get in on the fun. Sunday, I powered through a metric fuck-ton of missions. I got close, but not close enough. Then on Monday, I did as many more as I could find time for, and late Monday night, I finally broke 8.04, bought a jump clone, and jumped into it.

I immediately (yesterday) grabbed one of my old logistics Osprey fits from my mission-support days, and went out on fleet ops with RapidTaco and Boromor. Got in one good fleet fight with The Taco, he was primaried and calling for shields, and I was feeding them. It was fun. Who knew?

The other converging factor here is that Ironfleet is very flush right now. Remember when armor plates were useless salvage items? Selling for 200 ISK to speculators? Well, let’s just say that Ironfleet speculated heavily in “worthless” armor plates, then sat on them after the rig recipes were fixed to use them again, then sold them (a lot of them) when the price looked to be peaking between 150k and 160k ISK. All in all it was a speculation that unfolded over most of a year, but it was very very profitable. For the first time in my EVE career, I can afford to fly some nice ships into stupid situations and watch them go kaboom.

So, late last night and early this morning, I pulled one of my fancy rigged Basilisk TII logistics cruisers out of mothballs. I tweaked the fittings a bit, jumped it down to Nourv, and found RapidTaco pulling together a fleet. We headed out, chasing intel reports of various enemy concentrations. About an hour into the fleet OP, he asked us whether we’d like to go touristing into 0.0, which was nearby.

As it happens, we very much would like. And so, we did.

Somebody even said “Yarr!” (Possibly, that happened more than once, I couldn’t comment.)

If you told me, as recently as two weeks ago, that in two weeks I’d be sitting in my very expensive logistics cruiser in a sixty man fleet in zero-frickin’-zero, conducting military operations that were superficially similar in appearance to a 0.0 gate camp, I would have told you to stop smoking the crack cocaine. And yet, there I was, and it was cool.

I’m deliberately being a little bit vague about where we went, why we went there, and what we did. You’ll have to cope with that. Trust me, it was fun. And then we got word of a Gallente fleet, so we moved very rapidly in an attempt to, shall we say, insert ourselves up their pipe from the rear, if you catch my meaning and I think you do. Sadly, they scattered like baby rabbits when we hit their system, although we did catch and destroy two Dominix battleships.

We never got a big fleet fight, so none of the heavies on my watch list ever got primaried nor needed shield repair. I did minor shield touchups, mostly. But we did have a Kitsune who got taken into structure, and although I was too slow to help him during the fight, my armor repair drones were able to give him a full armor restoration in the field.

Word is that as we were going out, Boromor’s fleet was just coming back from a triumphant day in which they killed a dreadnaught, jumped some heavies into Gallente high sec to kill a gang on the gate, and then took an entire fleet of disposeable caracals into Gallente high sec, getting many more valuable kills from the surprised and outraged denizens.

I don’t know how I’d feel about it if I didn’t have more ISK to play with than usual, but right now I’ve got to say, this factional warfare stuff is being a whole lot of fun.

For as long as I have been flying the Crane blockade runner in Q-ship mode, it’s been my ambition to blow up a Hulk mining barge, if I could ever find one whose pilot thought he could safely shoot at the “helpless hauler”.

Of course, that goes back to the days when Hulks cost half a billion ISK or more, and aggressive Hulk pilots were hard to find. And in any event, the few times I’ve tangled with Hulks, the battles have been inconclusive — I’ve had a DPS shortage, or the Hulk pilot called in reinforcements, or the Hulk pilot managed to get away when I was short of cap to hold him or her down.

So tonight is a proud night in the annals of Ironfleet. Eventually the word is gonna get out — you really shouldn’t shoot at Ironfleet Towing And Salvage unless you’re ready to kill what you’re shooting at. That helpless hauler? Eh, not so much as it turns out:

2008.06.08 03:25:00

Victim: maddhatter
Alliance: Wildly Inappropriate.
Corp: Draconic Industries
Destroyed: Hulk
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 5692

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.4
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Havoc Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 5692

Destroyed items:

Strip Miner I, Qty: 2
Plagioclase, Qty: 12088 (Cargo)
Expanded Cargohold II

Dropped items:

Strip Miner I
Expanded Cargohold II
Solid Pyroxeres, Qty: 7050 (Cargo)

A few highlights of information about the encounter:

• When I warped in on Maddhatter’s jet can, he was being met and “serviced” by an unaffiliated alt in an Iteron. So I found the can empty, except for one unit of ore. (Which, of course, I salvaged from where it lay drifting, dangerously, among the stars.) Key point: Maddhatter risked his Hulk to punish the loss of one (count it with me, ONE!) unit of plagioclase.
• The drones he launched were a full flight of Tech I Hammerheads. That was a relief. He never came close to breaking my tank with those. If he’d launched Tech II drones, I know from bitter experience that it would have been a much closer fight, at best.
• It took me eighteen heavy EM missiles (Caldari Navy Thunderbolts) to break his shields. I then paused to reload with Havoc Furies (explosive) to finish him off. That took eleven more shots. Note from the killmail that this Hulk was tanked to factory specification, without any additional aftermarket tanking equipment installed. I assume it’s trivial to tank a Hulk so that it cannot lose to a blockade runner transport mounting one heavy missile launcher, but this pilot did not avail himself of his tanking options.
• Maddhatter has been playing this game since June 16 in the Year Of Our Lord Two Thousand and Three. In other words: for just one week short of five long years. Although there have been subsequent employment excursions, Maddhatter joined the current corp (the first time) in 2004. So this does not “feel” like an eBayed character, despite the Tech I drones, the lack of tank, and the dangerously aggressive flying.
• After the Hulk went “kaboom”, Maddhatter warped silently away, without smack or communique. The alt hauler laboriously closed up on the wreck (slower than me, so I got the modules that dropped in the wreck) and was still snuggled up against it (attempting to salvage?) when I came back in a different salvage vessel to salvage the wreck parts. Disappointingly: “(notify) You successfully salvage from the Gallente Elite Mining Barge Wreck. Unfortunately there was nothing to be salvaged. “

My only regret, in all of this, is that I cannot be a fly on the wall in corp chat as Maddhatter attempts to explain how (and more importantly, WHY) he lost his hulk to a guy in a hauler.

I am increasingly finding myself in the position of teaching hard lessons to newer players. I don’t do this with scorn — we were all new once — but I do find myself wondering sometimes if I’m the first hostile opponent they have ever encountered in EVE.

Tonight when I logged in, the first banter in local I saw was:

Tang Ra > hes robbing u
NeoEclipse > ya i saw that..
Tang Ra > a lots of nasty ppl in this game

That was enough hint of loose ore waiting to be salvaged for me; I jumped in my Crane and went salvage hunting.

Sure enough, I found NeoEclipse hanging in the belts in a destroyer, near a jetcan. He’s in a corp, and his mining lasers were not lit. Real, or bait? No matter, I’ll chance it.

Sadly, the can was light — not even a Craneload. Still, I emptied it. And bedamned if he didn’t launch some drones and sic them on me!

Alert for a trap, I nonetheless did the necessary. It was fast and ugly, because his drones were his only weapon and he had no tank except for his small armor repper:

2008.06.03 06:45:00

Victim: NeoEclipse
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Galactic Revolutionary Forces
Destroyed: Exequror
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 4357

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.4
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Havoc Fury Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 3839

Name: Guristas Despoiler / Guristas
Damage Done: 518

Destroyed items:

Rich Plagioclase, Qty: 1114 (Cargo)
Small Armor Repairer I
Miner II, Qty: 2
Hornet I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)
Survey Scanner I

Dropped items:

Miner I
Co-Processor I
Miner II
Hornet I, Qty: 2 (Drone Bay)
Basic Co-Processor

Ugly! What was he thinking? Ah, there’s a hint — he’s less than two weeks old. Did he, do you suppose, take from this a salutory lesson, and resolve never again get cocky in a ship that’s packing a full rack of mining lasers?

His remarks in local suggest… maybe not. And dig the supportive-but-inarticulate sidekick who chimes in part way through the conversation:

NeoEclipse > u fuck
NeoEclipse > Marlenus
Marlenus > LOL, attacking the helpless hauler not such a good idea?
NeoEclipse > ya i guess so. but now im goin to have you killed for sure. everytime i see you in this zone im goin to bait the shit out of u with everyone in here.
Marlenus > Good luck with that.
NeoEclipse > this is my base so it wont be hard
Marlenus > We’ll see I guess.
Esplin9466 > jes vee vill
NeoEclipse > i hope everyone can read in this area and marks you down. freakin idiot. 2 yr player and total jackass.
Marlenus > LOL, if they can’t read it here, they can read all about it on the Ironfleet Towing And Salvage blog at Ironfleet.com
Marlenus > And you attacked a transport ship in a mining cruiser with no guns, who was the idiot again?
NeoEclipse > u are..just to remind you. you are
Marlenus > If that’s what you have to tell yourself, OK I guess…
Esplin9466 > goo bagz
Esplin9466 > = bagz of goo
Esplin9466 > jizzimous goo

I confess I came closer to taunting the poor boy than I usually like to do, but he was trying so hard to offend me, it seemed a pity not to rise to his bait a little bit.

Jizzimous Goo, over and out…

This is the story of the tough little badger who met a bad end.

A few days ago there was this guy, see, who was jet-can mining in a Cormorant mining destroyer. He’d been at it quite a while, and his can had an old time for a name. So I loaded my Crane from his jet can, and flipped the rest of the ore into an Ironfleet can.

The destroyer left quickly, which is often a sign that the guy is coming back in something bigger and meaner.

So I came back, first, in my stealth bomber. And cloaked.

About two minutes later, here comes the miner. In a Badger? I guess he wants “his” ore back.

He approaches the Ironfleet can, takes on a load of ore, starts flashing red. I uncloak and launch a volley:

Your Caldari Navy Wrath Cruise Missile hits whitesonar (Badger), doing 490.0 damage.
Your Caldari Navy Wrath Cruise Missile hits whitesonar (Badger), doing 490.0 damage.
Your Caldari Navy Wrath Cruise Missile hits whitesonar (Badger), doing 490.0 damage.

A Badger I survived that volley? Impressively tanked!

And impressive reflexes, too, because he was warped out before the next volley arrived.

My stealth bombers not typically being fitted with warp scramblers, I decided to go back for my Crane. He’s hauling ore, I’d better haul some too.

I grab another Craneload. Jet can is getting low on ore, now. I decide to orbit the can and see if he comes back with the Badger again.

He does! And while he scoops the last of the ore, I am turning on my warp scrambler and opening up with the missile launcher.

Pretty soon it’s all over but for the scooping of the loot:

Victim: whitesonar
Alliance: NONE
Corp: School of Applied Knowledge
Destroyed: Badger
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 5385

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 5385

Name: Guristas Despoiler / Guristas
Damage Done: 0

Destroyed items:

Medium Shield Extender I, Qty: 2

Dropped items:

Cap Recharger I, Qty: 2
Expanded Cargohold II, Qty: 2
Veldspar, Qty: 6842 (Cargo)

Tech II cargo expanders, yay! And note the pair of destroyed medium shield extenders. Tough little Badger!

UPDATE:

Today, same system. Here’s whitesonar, now in a Retriever barge, mining into a properly-anchored giant secure container. Lesson learned?

The day started off poorly, with one of those out-of-the-blue Mars versus Venus misunderstandings with the girlfriend that had her in tears and me going “WTF?” and feeling like I walked into a hidden buzz saw.

We made it up and she went shopping, but when I logged into EVE, I got it into my head that I wanted to blow somebody up. I figured it might cheer me up.

So, I hopped in my trusty old Crane transport with the concealed heavy missile launcher, and went looking for ore. I always need ore, and sometimes I get to blow stuff up.

First pilgrim I found was jet can mining in a Retriever mining barge. That’s always a good sign. So I warped to his jet can, and found it just about jammed clear full. Nice!

I stuffed the Crane’s none-too-large cargo hold, and repackaged the rest into an Ironfleet jet can. Mr. Retriever left. I took my first load home, came back in a stealth bomber, and cloaked. Will Mr. Retriever please come back in something else, and take something from an Ironfleet can? I really want to blow something up today.

Sadly, he did not return. So, after a suitable interval, I went and got the Hot Iron Extricator (a Badger II fitted for this sort of project) and made two quick trips.

(Aside: I often hear smack-talk in local about how “can flippers and thieves” don’t care about the ore, but just want to blow people up. It’s true that today, I did want to blow people up. But my ore hauling ways are really about the tritanium. Have you priced that shit lately? It turns out that a nearly full jet-can of mixed Veldspars refines, with my skills, to just over 800,000 units of tritanium, which, at the best available buy order in the station I took it to, is worth 2.5 million ISK. Not that I’d ever sell it — I still don’t have enough battleships to play with. But when Ironfleet flips your can, we want the ore. The kabooms are strictly a bonus.)

So anyway, Mr. Retriever would not play with me. On to the next belt! There’s always another pilgrim.

And in the very next belt, I found a young player (only two weeks old, give or take) sitting in an Osprey cruiser. No mining lasers were running, which made my hackles go up. Plus, he was corped and allianced, which made them go up further. Is this a real target, or is it bait?

While I watched, he warped away. So I closed on the can and investigated its contents. About a thousand units of ore more than would fit in my Crane. So, I filled the cargo hold and deposited the rest overboard in an Ironfleet jetcan.

Right about then, Mr. Osprey Miner came back, in a Badger II. Hmm, he sees another hauler, if he’s really as new as he looks, maybe he thinks I’m no threat? So I start motoring away, about half speed, like I’m aligning slowly to warp away. Waiting for him to pull “his” ore back out of Ironfleet’s can, but not really believing he’ll do it.

Motor motor motor. Reduce speed a little, don’t want to get too far away. Motor motor motor. Will he do it?

He did it.

Sorry, Mr. Osprey Miner, but you picked a bad day to take ore from an Ironfleet can.

Time to target the flashy red Badger II. That takes awhile in a Crane. Then I’ll turn on the warp disruptor… uh oh!

What with all that that motoring, I’m now too far away — about 2 klicks outside warp disruptor range. All engines astern! Full stop! Get on the steering oars! Crank this wobbly pig around! OK, now start shoveling on the coal!

Slowly, slowly, my trusty combat Crane lumbered back into warp disruptor range. For a miracle, the target has not gone home. Now he’s not going anywhere, so I start lobbing heavy missiles up his wake, closing rapidly so I can scoop whatever he drops.

Poop! Now that’s a sign of guilty panic if I ever saw it, he’s just jettisoned a can. Is he saying I can have my ore back if I just leave him in peace?

Probably. But this is not Ironfleet’s day to be peaceful.

Kaboom. Kaboom. Kaboom. By now he’s in armor, he’s turned on some sort of ineffectual shield booster, and it’s all over but the pretty lights. Wait for it…

Pretty lights. Yay!

I feel better now.

Here’s the mail:

2008.05.24 00:19:00

Victim: Tantulous
Alliance: Red Dragon Industries
Corp: steal will Defense
Destroyed: Badger Mark II
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.7
Damage Taken: 2841

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.3
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Crane
Weapon: Caldari Navy Thunderbolt Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 2841

Destroyed items:

Civilian Shield Booster I
Monopropellant I Hydrazine Boosters
EP-S Gaussian I Excavation Pulse

Dropped items:

Bookmark (Cargo)

Doh! Another civilian shield booster guy! And it didn’t even drop. {/emote cries}

Predictably, it wasn’t long before Tantulous was in contact, in local. To his credit, there was zero smack. But he wanted (a) his stuff back and (b) compensation.

I guess it wasn’t going to be his day, either.

[ 29:48 ] Tantulous > hey marlenus, what gives, I grab the wrong container because you emtied mine when I wasn’t looking and you blast me, bit of a cheap shot aint it, especially on a badger.
[ 31:16 ] Marlenus > No offense mate, but you emptied an Ironfleet can right in front of me, and I was in a hauler too, so it didn’t seem like much of a cheap shot to shoot at you.
[ 31:39 ] Tantulous > except for one thing, you stole from mine I took a little from one of yours, mine had 5 times as much and ya stole it, I picked the wrong bloody one by mistake and what did ya do, my badger had no offensive weapons, I want my stuff back.
[ 33:57 ] Marlenus > I prefer to call it salvage, but whatever. I won’t be returning ore that’s been hauled to the Ironfleet hangars. And there’s a warning that pops up when you pick someone else’s can by mistake … or have you turned that off?
[ 34:27 ] Tantulous > I never seen any warning, and if there is one it’s never been turned on.
[ 34:48 ] Tantulous > and salvage, cock you shouldn’t have took it in the first place.
[ 35:54 ] Marlenus > You should be getting a warning and be required to click an OK button before “accidentally’ taking something from a can that’s not yours.
[ 36:22 ] Marlenus > As for my salvage activities, I’m afraid we differ there — that’s what Ironfleet does, and we do enjoy it.
[ 36:31 ] Tantulous > well i didn’t, you should get the same warning.
[ 36:50 ] Tantulous > it aint salvage man it’s stealin.
[ 36:59 ] Marlenus > I did get the warning, that’s how I know it’s there. You must have turned yours off, there’s a little checkbox to do that.
[ 37:15 ] Marlenus > We disagree on what to call it, I fear.
[ 38:04 ] Tantulous > I feel a little compensation is in order then for the mistake and insult, a small suggestion.
[ 38:48 ] Marlenus > Tantulus, it was no mistake on my part, and will nto be compensated for. Salvage of this kind is our corporate mission.
[ 38:50 ] Tantulous > I only want what is rightfully mine
[ 40:59 ] Tantulous > I still think I should receive compensation man.
[ 41:15 ] Marlenus > For what? I am honestly baffled by that idea.
[ 42:27 ] Tantulous > a mistake made, an accident and an attack that was not neccisary
[ 43:13 ] Marlenus > You made the mistake, are you suggesting you’d like to compensate me for taking from an Ironfleet can, or perhaps for the ammo I expended after you did so?

[ 43:22 ] Mack Grafton > the problem is, these “salvagers” are purposefully can flipping so they can attack you in your haulers and mining ships, its not an accident at all

[ 44:04 ] Marlenus > Those caldari navy heavy missiles are not cheap!
[ 44:38 ] Tantulous > the accident was waht i made man grabbing wrong bloody can, shouldn’t have used them then.
[ 46:13 ] Marlenus > With the greatest of respect, I’m skeptical of the accident theory to be honest; there is the matter of the warning you say you’ve never turned off, which is a well-known game mechanic and very hard to miss if it’s on.
[ 46:57 ] Tantulous > I have never had this warning since I started the game

[ 47:01 ] Salarion > And the moral of the story is? anyone?
[ 47:21 ] Tantulous > leave other peeps cans alone
[ 47:30 ] Salarion > wrong answer
[ 47:41 ] Tantulous > enlighten me please?
[ 47:43 ] Marlenus > I think I know, but I’ll wait for it…
[ 47:57 ] Salarion > DON”T use cans
[ 47:57 ] saltanx > never use jet cans
[ 48:02 ] Sudwerk > Who’s laughing at this?
[ 48:10 ] Linnea Celesta > o/
[ 48:15 ] Gankey > o/ hehe
[ 48:19 ] Mack Grafton > done use jet cans
[ 48:19 ] Marlenus > Me. Could we get that advice in a four-part harmony?
[ 48:51 ] Salarion > la l la la

By now I had a smile on my face, and then the girlfriend came home from the store with strawberry/blueberry tarts so she was happy too, and the day was much improved. Tantulous, if you ever read this, it was nothing personal, I’d have blowed up Santa Clause just then, if he’d been foolish enough to go flashy red on me. And salvaged his eight tiny reindeer for sausage, too.

Wow, how long has it been since I had a chance to defend an Ironfleet can with heavy missiles? Months, I think.

Tonight, I did, though. And how!

As I mentioned in the last post, I’ve been forced to do a bit of mission running lately, for standings. I finally worked my way up to a high-quality Level III agent in a convenient location, and so last night I began to relocate my fleet into that system so I can work out of there when I simply can’t stand the fork-to-the-face boredom that is mission running.

So, tonight I took the Crane out for a sweep of the belts, hoping to haul some ore before getting down to missions. And I saw an unusual thing: a guy, member of a corp in an alliance, who’s been playing four months longer than me, jet-can mining … in a Retriever. Flying a full set of mixed Tech 1 combat drones.

Needless to say, I was suspicious it might be a trap. Checked the graphics, yup, he’s got two lasers running; check the can ownership, yup it’s his can at least. No telling how many friends he’s got, though, just waiting a short warp away to pwn the careless and greedy.

Still, faint heart never won fair lady. I approached the can. Hey, it’s mostly full of plagioclase! So I grabbed a Craneload, flipped the rest into an Ironfleet jetcan, and hauled ore for the station.

Hauling all that in a Crane is not going to be easy — better to use a bigger hauler after the agro timer expires. So, I’ll jump in the handy Cerberus and go guard the Ironfleet can.

Remember my Cerberus? Have I mentioned my Cerberus? INDY was flying one against me during Chebri’s War, and I admired it. A lot. So I finished the necessary skilling, and bought one. It’s a hangar queen and a toy, mostly, but I luvs it to death and polishes it to a high shine every Saturday afternoon, whether it needs it or not. Aside from one brief-but-exciting encounter with a Vagabond, I haven’t had a chance to do any combat flying with it, although it blows through low-level missions like you would NOT believe. Overkillus Maximus!

Speaking of overkill…

When my Cerberus came out of warp thirty clicks from the Ironfleet can, there was no Ironfleet can.

What there was, was a flashing red Retriever. Really? Oh no, he didn’t!

Oh, yes, he did.

Lock, fire. In my haste, I somehow managed to miss turning on one heavy missile launcher, and I forgot to load the fancy missiles. So the first volley of four is on its way. Is he going to flee?

Let’s go to the videotape:

Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 184.9 damage.
Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 184.9 damage.
Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 225.6 damage.
Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 231.2 damage.

Volley one! Is he fleeing? Why, no, he’s sent his drones after me. He wants to fight!

Hornet I belonging to ArcticIcewolf places an excellent hit on you, inflicting 13.8 damage.
Hornet I belonging to ArcticIcewolf hits you, doing 8.6 damage.
Hornet I belonging to ArcticIcewolf heavily hits you, inflicting 11.6 damage.
Hornet I belonging to ArcticIcewolf heavily hits you, inflicting 10.9 damage.
Hornet I belonging to ArcticIcewolf heavily hits you, inflicting 10.6 damage.

Oooh, that smarted! Volley two, away!

Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 231.1 damage.
Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 290.3 damage.
Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 308.2 damage.
Your Scourge Heavy Missile hits ArcticIcewolf (Retriever), doing 308.2 damage.
Heavy Missile Launcher II deactivates as ArcticIcewolf’s Retriever begins to explode.
Heavy Missile Launcher II deactivates as ArcticIcewolf’s Retriever begins to explode.
Heavy Missile Launcher II deactivates as ArcticIcewolf’s Retriever begins to explode.
Heavy Missile Launcher II deactivates as ArcticIcewolf’s Retriever begins to explode.

Oops, that was fast.

A moment’s pause. And then, in local:

ArcticIcewolf > Marlenus you fucking prick

I decide not to dignify that with a response, but there’s a bystander:

Waxau > lol
Waxau > NERD RAGE!

Here’s the killmail:

Victim: ArcticIcewolf
Alliance: Chances of Misfortune
Corp: Hearts of Obsidian
Destroyed: Retriever
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 2067

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Cerberus
Weapon: Scourge Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1964

Name: Thorn Rocket / Guristas
Damage Done: 103

Destroyed items:

Strip Miner I

Dropped items:

Strip Miner I

So, I’m closing with the wreck to scoop that stripminer, and I’m thinking, this guy’s been playing longer than I have, he’s in an allianced corp, he should know better. What was he thinking?

I scooped the miner, flipped all the plagioclase back into an Ironfleet can, filled my cargo hold, and docked. Decided to go back and guard the can some more, until it’s safe to take a hauler in.

Back I went. In the Cerberus. Parked about 70 clicks out.

Here comes ArcticIcewolf, still flashing red, in an industrial (Bestower). I guess he still wants the ore. Doesn’t he know better?

Apparently, not:

Victim: ArcticIcewolf
Alliance: Chances of Misfortune
Corp: Hearts of Obsidian
Destroyed: Bestower
System: [redacted]
Security: 0.5
Damage Taken: 1956

Involved parties:

Name: Marlenus (laid the final blow)
Security: 1.2
Alliance: NONE
Corp: Ironfleet Towing And Salvage
Ship: Cerberus
Weapon: Scourge Heavy Missile
Damage Done: 1956

Destroyed items:

Civilian Expanded Cargohold, Qty: 2

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he’s been playing since December of 2005 and he’s fitted his hauler with CIVILIAN EXPANDED CARGOHOLDS!

By now, I figure he’s mad, but there’s been no further smack in local. I continue guarding the can until the agro wears off, and meanwhile, I strike up a chat with a friendly bored hulk pilot. We’re talking about unrelated stuff, he mentions an ISK windfall he just got, and I mention a market killing I made once due to another player’s error. Suddenly, we’re hearing from ArcticIcewolf in local. During the conversation you are about to read, I had time to haul all the ore in my Crane (sadly, I didn’t have a larger hauler in system, so it took about four trips) and then come back in my salvage destroyer to salvage both of ArcticIcewolf’s wrecks. My favorite part of what follows is where ArcticIcewolf explains that he can’t fight because he has a life, and thus cannot play enough to afford any combat vessels:

09:04:54: ArcticIcewolf > hey you cant help being an asshole its in your nature
09:05:03: Marlenus > Lol, still chafing are we?
09:05:17: ArcticIcewolf > just a tad
09:05:38: Marlenus > Honestly I’m not sure why you came back in the hauler when I had an Ironfleet can to defend.
09:06:15: Lord Vindicarious > Did you boys get in a pissing match?
09:06:22: ArcticIcewolf > well concidering you stole all my shit i dunno think bout it
09:06:30: Marlenus > Naw, just an altercation over ore floating in space
09:06:42: Marlenus > Cerberus versus retriever, it was fast but ugly
09:06:43: ArcticIcewolf > yeah fucker stole my ore
09:07:03: Marlenus > actually, you were flashing for taking ore from an Ironfleet can, if we must be precise
09:07:23: ArcticIcewolf > because you stole the shit put it back out as yours
09:07:36: Lord Vindicarious > Tisk, tisk
09:07:50: Marlenus > All that fit, I kept, and I’m still hauling it as we speak.
09:07:52: Lord Vindicarious > Honestly, that’s what you get for not using a secure can
09:08:01: Gregory Wallace > sounds shady
09:08:07: ArcticIcewolf > oh that justifies it ?
09:08:26: Lord Vindicarious > Well, yeah that’s what you get for being a dumbass
09:08:30: Marlenus > You make it sound like I was trying to be deceptive, when I was just doing good honest salvage.
09:08:36: Marlenus > Of ore jettisoned into space.
09:09:19: Lord Vindicarious > People can only take what is unsecured
09:09:51: ArcticIcewolf > Lets see its rite next to me and you take it and then Rejettison it as your own, thats Honest ?
09:10:15: Marlenus > Just cleaning up the spaceways, one of the services Ironfleet Towing And Salvage is always happy to provide!
09:10:21: Gregory Wallace > someone picking a fight is what it was
09:10:32: Marlenus > Nah, somebody hauling ore is what it was.
09:10:41: ArcticIcewolf > its you being a dooshbag
09:10:52: Lord Vindicarious > And if you are flying a mining barge, you really shouldn’t jetison unsecure cans unless you WANT some prick to to pick a fight with you
09:10:55: Marlenus > I didn’t really expect the guy in the mining barge to pick an actual fight.
09:11:21: Lord Vindicarious > LOL, sorry but you get no sympathy
09:11:41: ArcticIcewolf > lol why because you just as disshonest as him ?
09:11:47: Lord Vindicarious > Nope
09:11:53: ArcticIcewolf > really
09:12:02: Lord Vindicarious > I never bother stealing ore, it isn’t worth my time
09:12:07: Gregory Wallace > with mining u have to have muscle with u- have a buddy or two cloak a recon by u
09:12:09: ArcticIcewolf > standing up for a disshonest player dont really put high marks on your moral opinions
09:12:42: Lord Vindicarious > However, if I am in my salvager and there are unclaimed wrecks laying about, I’ll salvage them
09:13:10: ArcticIcewolf > even if they rite next to the miner and you know whos it is
09:13:31: Lord Vindicarious > If you are in the belt, i’ll ask first
09:14:08: ArcticIcewolf > well great for you , but marlenus is as disshonest as they come
09:14:15: Lord Vindicarious > But as to your origional gripe of somebody flipping your can, sorry but that is like the oldest trick in eve of picking a fight with somebody
09:14:42: Lord Vindicarious > He did it so you would give him a reason to be able to shoot you
09:15:02: Marlenus > Actually, Lord V, that’s where you are wrong — nobody believes me but I really do do this for the ore.
09:15:25: Marlenus > I was in a T2 transport when this all started, hauling.
09:15:26: ArcticIcewolf > why cant earn your own
09:15:39: Marlenus > It is my own once it’s in my hangar.
09:15:47: Lord Vindicarious > LOL
09:16:22: Lord Vindicarious > I’ll tell you what though Mar, if you ever tried taking MY ore I’d kick your ass
09:16:39: Lord Vindicarious > I wouldn’t just whine about it in local
09:16:59: Lord Vindicarious > (hint hint)
09:17:00: Marlenus > I can respect that. Whether you’d succeed is an open question, but that’s a perfectly respectable approach to take.
09:17:30: ArcticIcewolf > hint all you like lord, some of us have a lifes and arnt on enough to earn biggger badder ships to fight back
09:18:29: Lord Vindicarious > I’m only on for about an hour or so a day, I think I “have a life” thank you
09:18:38: Marlenus > No salvage on the mining barge. :(
09:19:20: Marlenus > couple of burned logic circs from the hauler wreck
09:19:44: Lord Vindicarious > However, that being said, I’ve been playing eve since 2003, so I think I just might have the combat skills to kick your ass Mar if we are both in the same type of ship
09:19:56: Marlenus > Of that, I have NO doubt.
09:20:01: Lord Vindicarious > LOL
09:20:01: Marlenus > I am not a combat pilot…
09:20:14: Marlenus > …and I try very hard to start any fights with an overwhelming tonnage advantage.
09:21:05: Lord Vindicarious > Drones are nice, too
09:21:19: Marlenus > But I am very very good at getting ore out from under the guns of combat escorts, you might be surprised, once.
09:21:39: Marlenus > Having the element of surprise helps a lot
09:21:48: ArcticIcewolf > well, i do respect that you are honest about being Disshonest
09:22:06: Marlenus > You made up that dishonesty part, I see nothing dishonest about salvage
09:22:18: ArcticIcewolf > thats not salvage thats thievery
09:22:36: Marlenus > I believe we disagree on that point.
09:23:06: Lord Vindicarious > LOL, this point is getting a bit stale
09:23:07: ArcticIcewolf > nothing made up, your a poor player, you just admitted a few sentences up about being very good at getting ore from uder other players noses
09:23:25: Marlenus > Not “admitted”, rather I think I was bragging just a bit
09:23:40: Marlenus > And I don’t consider that any sign of being a poor player
09:24:02: Marlenus > Lord V, if you think it’s stale, how do you think I feel? I hear this sort of thing quite often, as you might imagine. ;-)
09:24:32: Lord Vindicarious > Artic, I’m sorry but when you consider the nature of this game then you have nobody to blame but yourself
09:24:40: ArcticIcewolf > if you hear it quite often then i’d prob say your logic of thinking nothing is wrong is missconstrued
09:24:47: Lord Vindicarious > DON’T USE UNSECURED CANS
09:24:56: Marlenus > Well, somebody’s logic has a problem, I’ll grant you that much.
09:25:11: ArcticIcewolf > I can respect that Lord but, to say he was rite in his actions is not rite
09:26:02: Lord Vindicarious > I am NOT saying he is right, I AM saying however that YOU are wrong for using unsecured cans and not expecting to be stolen from
09:27:46: Marlenus > Good night gentlemen, it has a been a pleasure providing salvage services and public entertainments to the good citizens of [redacted].
09:27:58: Gregory Wallace > night
09:27:59: Marlenus > Ironfleet out.
09:27:59: Lord Vindicarious > LOL, night

I think I’ll leave you with a bit of bedtime poetry (for it is far past my bedtime as I write this.) This is copied, verbatim, all spelling and punctuation unchanged, I shit you not (although I did add line breaks) from ArcticIcewolf’s bio:

I Hunt in the deepest and darkest reaches of Space,
I hunt those who wrong others,
I hunt where no man dares to go,
I protect those who cannot defend themselfs,
I hunt those who believe in enslavement of others,
I will not Rest
I can Not die,
therefor I am like the Wolfs of thee Arctic on our Homeworld whome we Lost contact with long long ago,
I run with the pack I die with the pack,
the only problem is,
;) the pack never dies!!

Hey, everybody.

After that last demoralizing loss, I took a few days to work on other projects. I also found a cheaper concept for a heavy salvage cruiser, using an Amar Maller (more lowslots) to save needing rigs.

Took the new heavy salvager out tonight on a very successful run, came back with about 300 salvage parts from four or five different missions, including a nice pile of armor plates and melted cap consoles. And then I got this lovely email, from one Yorlock of the corp Farmer Killers [FARME], alliance United Corporations Against Macros [UCAM].

Subject: dangerous game

As a CEO you of all people should know probin mission and stealing salvage from aliances will get ya war declared. I am hoping your are exceptionally stupid and continus this conduct. I am very bored and need to pod a few scumbags.

I really wish I knew someone who does needlepoint, I’d love to have “I am hoping your are exceptionally stupid and continus this conduct” tatted up in four colors with decorative jetcans and wreck icons in the background, to hang on the Ironfleet office walls. For some reason I am reminded of this classic photograph:

Update: I decided to do a little research on our pleasant friend Yorlock. It turns out he’s got a history of letting his mouth write checks his alliance would prefer not to cash. This Eve-Pirate account features him acting all ass-hurt because somebody looted his wreck and (gasp!) targeted his ship, resulting in a war-dec against UCAM that caused his alliance diplomat to acknowledge “he does have a bad habit of attracting trouble.”

Here’s the hilarious lightly-edited transcript featuring the UCAM diplomat:

[ 2007.08.29 23:36:57 ] PHPR Freighter > any directors here?
[ 2007.08.29 23:37:32 ] PHPR Freighter > I want to know on what grounds that we were war dec’d
[ 2007.08.29 23:37:41 ] Sofia Roseburn > For love and honour.
[ 2007.08.29 23:37:51 ] atrophocy > for pewpew and lols
[ 2007.08.29 23:38:09 ] Sofia Roseburn > We are but a peaceful industrial corp, and your undercutting of our prices has pushed us over the edge.
[ 2007.08.29 23:38:51 ] atrophocy > Donovan Killar is the guy you wanna talk to
[ 2007.08.29 23:38:59 ] atrophocy > ceo boss guy
[ 2007.08.29 23:39:04 ] Sofia Roseburn > He’s currently shitfaced.
[ 2007.08.29 23:39:07 ] Sofia Roseburn > So hi.
[ 2007.08.29 23:39:22 ] Sofia Roseburn > I’ll be your liason officer today.
[ 2007.08.29 23:39:42 ] PHPR Freighter > I would like a more serious answer on why we were war dec’d though
[ 2007.08.29 23:40:18 ] Sofia Roseburn > Do you represent the alliance?
[ 2007.08.29 23:40:25 ] PHPR Freighter > I am the Alliance Diplomat
[ 2007.08.29 23:40:31 ] atrophocy > honestly mate, there’s no serious politics with DKI, they wardec for fun and laughs, it’s nothing more than that
[ 2007.08.29 23:40:45 ] Sofia Roseburn > We dec for shits and giggles.
[ 2007.08.29 23:41:02 ] Sofia Roseburn > One of your members probably made us laugh with whining.
[ 2007.08.29 23:42:06 ] PHPR Freighter > well.. allegations were that since my member didn’t want to fight you, you dec’d us..
[ 2007.08.29 23:42:25 ] Sofia Roseburn > Our logs indicate that one of your members, a Mr Yorlock, insinuated that we were purposefully harassing him. Due to the retardation of this accusation, we decided to go for it anyway.
[ 2007.08.29 23:42:52 ] Sofia Roseburn > Do you have any other questions?
[ 2007.08.29 23:43:02 ] PHPR Freighter > he does have a bad habit of attracting trouble
[ 2007.08.29 23:43:16 ] Sofia Roseburn > That’s your problem, not ours.
[ 2007.08.29 23:43:26 ] Haargoth Agamar > boot him
[ 2007.08.29 23:43:36 ] Sofia Roseburn > Tell him to jog on for the lulz.
[ 2007.08.29 23:43:42 ] PHPR Freighter > peace?
[ 2007.08.29 23:43:53 ] Sofia Roseburn > I can’t offer that, but it may appease the masses.
[ 2007.08.29 23:44:28 ] Sofia Roseburn > And I’m sure your 56 Titans which he claimed the alliance had will hurt our rears in any case.
[ 2007.08.29 23:44:45 ] PHPR Freighter > we don’t own any caps…
[ 2007.08.29 23:45:57 ] Sofia Roseburn > I know. That was me attempting to be funny. I failed.
[ 2007.08.29 23:46:38 ] Sofia Roseburn > But yeah. The war goes ahead. You should be able to kill us all easily.


And here’s the butt-hurt Evemail Sofia got from Yorlock:

IF looting my wrecks… then target locking me and orbiting at 500m is not piracy and harassment, then i must have missed something. And i am sorry if asking him to go pirate someone else was ‘insulting’. YOu need to know what your members do… I dont care about the looting… but locking and orbiting me afterwads is a tad insulting. I dont easily fall for such gank attempts…

Apparently he’s no clearer on the concepts of piracy and harassment than he is on the inherent logical conflict in his novel “stealing salvage” concept.

Ironfleet’s enemies will get a laugh out of this, for sure.

After I lost my heavy salvager (see previous post), I built another one, just like the first except with a better rig setup.

Took it out last night for a test cruise. Worked like a dream, brought in almost a hundred burned logic circuits.

Today, on my very first visit to deadspace, I warp to the Navy Raven sensor hit and find myself in a debris field, watching the raven moving toward the warp gate.

Experienced mission runners will know what happens next. I didn’t see it coming, despite a similar painful incident with a pair of basilisks (one of them, mine) about six months ago.

My mail button flashed. Innocent… but sometimes the insurance company knows what’s happened to you, before you know it.

Cloud Environment hits you, doing 1500 damage!
Cloud Environment hits you, doing 750 damage!
Cloud Environment hits you, doing 1100 damage!
Cloud Environment hits you, doing 1374.5 damage!

Hello, pod my old friend.

This time around, losses among the modules were very high.

Demoralizing.

It’s been a while since I lost a vessel, but today I lost my favorite heavy salvage cruiser. It was a Moa, all rigged up and loaded with Tech II fancies, designed to let me probe out missions in progress, visit them, and then salvage the wrecks under fire, with plenty of speed (to get to the wrecks promptly) and artificially enhanced agility (to STOP when I get there, not overshooting in frustration). Being a cruiser, it had toughness enough to survive a little agro when things go south. All in all, a sweet little ship for a very specialized purpose.

So, today I dropped in on Major Knewbee of Astrodynamic Innovations [ADIN], as he was working a mission pocket in a Drake. It looked like a single pocket mission, mostly small wrecks plus a few mediums, and he was wrapping it up, with just a few cruisers or battlecruisers left to finish. I figured on cherrypicking the few medium wrecks near my drop-in point and moving along, nothing really in the mission worth a heavy salvage effort.

But the thing is, I was careless, and I didn’t take the mission space seriously. First rule of mission salvage: the mission space is dangerous until every last red plus is converted into a yellow triangle. This rule, I failed to heed.

To be honest, I’m not sure exactly what happened. I suspect that Major Knewbee had been avoiding a known mission trigger, which he then triggered at an inopportune (for me) moment. Because the first thing I know is, I’m getting aggro and fire from about ten mission targets that (a) were not present a moment before, and (b) were all right up in my face.

The second thing I see is Major Knewbee warping out. Thank you very much, sigh. But well played, I’ll grant you.

Emergency warp procedures were initiated, but I was on a battleship afterburner going in no useful direction, so warp was slow. And then it got a lot slower, as in, I was warp scrambled. And shortly after that, I went quite thoroughly kaboom.

Fully insured of course, and I recovered most of my fittings from the wreck, but the lost rigs are a pang.

Fortunately, I have a hangar full of supplies to build another one.

So, I hadn’t been ten minutes logged into the game when I find myself in a private chat with Wcaspar, who is friendly and hoping I’ll be playing more. You remember Wcaspar, he was an AC-ME regular during what I still call Chebri’s War.

Near the end of the chat, he rather insistently wants to know what system I’m in, so he and his friends can “watch me salvage.” I tell him, but I also tell him it won’t do any good, because I’m leaving that system and I never work in front of witnesses.

He expresses disappointment.

I look him up, and discover that he’s no longer in AC-ME; he’s now a member of something called [DUTY.] (period is part of the name and ticker it seems), a 31-member corporation I’ve not heard of before. Naturally I am suspicious that he perhaps holds a grudge, and that he and his new friends might like to do me a disservice. Well, take a number, I guess.

So, then I do the belt sweep described in my last post, dock up with my salvage, and make that last blog post. Then it’s time to undock. Who do you think is sitting outside the station?

One Vanden, “Marshal” of [DUTY.], a wanted Minmatar with a bounty on his head, an employment history so long and ugly it could double as a rap sheet, and a fancy combat ship. Do you suppose it was a coincidence?

If you do suppose it was a coincidence, I’d like to sell you a nice breeding pair of feydos, you can sell the pups for millions and millions and millions of ISK!

Anyway, I was moving, so I don’t know whether Vanden had a particular disservice in mind, or whether this was preliminary surveillance. But I thought it was pretty funny, regardless. Somebody missed me!