Ironfleet Towing And Salvage

I’m starting to suspect Chebri of growing frustrated; it seems that in every exchange with her, her smack gets less articulate. Tonight (after the last post) she started having to censor her own vowels.

It went like this. I was back in the game, flying around in a fast frigate making bookmarks of military utility. I noticed local flashing, had a look, and discovered that Chebri was trolling it with smacktalk:

[ 02:12:20 ] Chebri > isn’t it funny…
[ 02:12:39 ] Chebri > bullies think they’re all bad and push people around…
[ 02:12:48 ] Chebri > but then…
[ 02:12:52 ] Chebri > when the heat is on
[ 02:12:56 ] Chebri > they can’t take it
[ 02:13:00 ] Chebri > run n hide
[ 02:13:05 ] Chebri > chicken sh*t
[ 02:14:14 ] Chebri > steal from people
[ 02:14:26 ] Chebri > ruin someone else’s day…ha ha fun n games
[ 02:14:37 ] Chebri > but when the situation is reversed…
[ 02:14:47 ] Chebri > cry in a blog

Honestly, up until I saw the last line, I wasn’t even sure she was talking about me. But the blog seemed fairly likely to refer to this one, even if I don’t remember crying here.

I’m happy to leave local smack to my enemies, but this seemed like a good opportunity to advertise the blog and let folks decide for themselves about the crying:

[ 02:15:49 ] Marlenus > Cry? Ironfleet.com, folks, judge for yourself. For smacktalk, listen to Chebri.

And then, suddenly, things got interesting.

Allow me to digress. In the history of this blog, I’ve only deleted one comment (spams excluded). That one, I found in the moderation queue this morning (all first-time commenters are held in moderation until I’ve had time to review the comment.) It consisted of some anti-salvager propaganda, rather rudely stated. By itself, I might have passed it on through moderation, for entertainment purposes. But the commenter was too chickenshit (to use Chebri’s phrase, with all its vowels) to leave their EVE identity, plus they left a false email featuring the infamous old goatse.cs anal stretching domain, plus they provided (as their blog link) a link to the charming “two girls, one cup” scat-eating video that’s all the rage among the YouTube generation this week. Taken as a whole, the comment didn’t seem worth publishing.

For future reference, I’ll publish almost anything you readers want to say, negative commentary on Ironfleet included, if you use your active EVE pilot name and keep it civil. But this is my blog; I’m not going to let anonymous cowards insult me using my own bandwidth. Get your own blog for that, k thnx bye.

Now, about those anonymous cowards. Want to know what Chebri’s very next words in local were, after the quote above?

[ 02:16:19 ] Chebri > it’s a blog
[ 02:16:27 ] Chebri > he’s the only one allowed to speak – he deleted comments
[ 02:16:35 ] Chebri > his own pedestal

PWNed, Chebri, you’ve been pwned and outed as the anonymous coward in question.

After that, the smack got fairly dull. Chebri, like a lot of combat pilots, likes to throw insults around in an attempt to get some action. I prefer to keep things nice and dull, so we discussed that for awhile. Nobody seems to understand that courage in a salvage pilot is an expensive luxury that eats away profit margins. If I’m shooting, it’s because I expect to win, or I’m reasonably confident I can escape. Chebri in particular kept trying to spin her trip to structure as an ignominious moment for me:

[ 02:19:50 ] Chebri > yeah…yer docked and can’t go steal
[ 02:19:59 ] Marlenus > Er, I’m not docked….
[ 02:20:09 ] Marlenus > I’m busily making stealth bomber warp points as we speak
[ 02:20:09 ] Chebri > you aren’t stealing
[ 02:20:22 ] Marlenus > I never steal, remember?
[ 02:20:26 ] Chebri > thank you for flying a tin can
[ 02:21:28 ] Marlenus > I heart my tin cans, they get the job done. Which of us was into structure tonight? Not me…
[ 02:21:49 ] Chebri > you didn’t pop me either – you ran…and I was in structure – chicken
[ 02:22:01 ] Marlenus > I prefer to call it conservative, thanks.
[ 02:22:13 ] Marlenus > Like I say, not a combat pilot. Luckily for you, or you’d be dead.
[ 02:22:21 ] Chebri > pff
[ 02:22:24 ] Chebri > you wish
[ 02:22:33 ] Marlenus > Not really, don’t much care actually.
[ 02:22:44 ] Chebri > empty threat then
[ 02:22:53 ] Marlenus > Not a threat at all
[ 02:23:02 ] Marlenus > Just a post-action analysis

Some of Chebri’s AC-ME confederates joined the conversation, which was entertaining and further instructional on the close link between this war and AC-ME’s interests, but they kept pretty close to AC-ME’s no-smack policy, which I do appreciate.

LOL, the smacktalk has finally reached Ironfleet.com, in the form of this comment on an old salvage report, apparently by the subject thereof:

This is the fuckin sadest thing I have ever seen you sad mother fucker. I will meet you anytime any place and lets se the convo then so I can post my convo of you begging for your life. You are a thief and thats that, dress it up how you want if it makes it easier for you. Anyway if you think your brave lets have it you sad prick.

Howdy, folks. Jim Bridger here.

Went out to an asteroid belt today to test my new gun setup, when I saw a Hulk mining into a jet can. Well, a can like that’s too juicy a salvage target to pass up, even if Hulks do tend to carry Tech II drones and get nasty with ’em.

Swooped in, flipped the jettisoned ore into an Ironfleet can, got it on the tractor, and began to drag it off to a safe distance. Nope, that’s not gonna work, here come the swarm of Vespa IIs, time to go.

Went.

Local smacktalk, not very nice:

moryia evenstar > jim you arse hole
moryia evenstar > come back here chicken shit
moryia evenstar > be warned every body in system, jim bridger is an active ore thief

Then comes the private convo with Moryia’s very optimistic hauler alt / companion:

Torredon Schreck > what you upto
Jim Bridger > Salvaging, as per usual
Torredon Schreck > stealing you mean
Jim Bridger > Naw, if I meant that I would have said that
Torredon Schreck > you stole from me a few minutes ago
Jim Bridger > Don’t think so, you’re not on my agro list
Torredon Schreck > check moryia evenstar
Jim Bridger > Yeah, I salvaged some ore from a can with her name on it, so?
Torredon Schreck > in my gang, you stole from hiim you steal from me
Jim Bridger > LOL, you keep using that word
Jim Bridger > Say, did you need something or did you just call me up to put ugly names on my chosen style of gameplay?
Torredon Schreck > come back to the roid belt
Jim Bridger > LOL, for what purpose?
Torredon Schreck > so i can try and kill you again
Jim Bridger > Right, and this is in my interest as a professional salvager exactly how?
Torredon Schreck > maybe you might get something out of it
Jim Bridger > Yeah, well, I prefer to pick my battles, thank you very much
Torredon Schreck > where are you hiding atm?
Jim Bridger > HIding? I’m busy salvaging.
Torredon Schreck > where
Jim Bridger > I don’t mean to be rude, but are you stupid? Why do you imagine I would tell you?
Torredon Schreck > just asking, to see if you are that stupid
Jim Bridger > LOL
Jim Bridger > Sorry, no
Torredon Schreck > so your not THAT STUPID THEN
Torredon Schreck > SORRY CAPS LOCK
Jim Bridger > No, but you are surely very optimistic to imagine I might be
Torredon Schreck > its worth a try
Jim Bridger > I know that feeling
Jim Bridger> After all I just took my salvage destroyer into drone range of a Hulk
Torredon Schreck > so do all of your corp go around “salvaging ” other ppls kit?
Jim Bridger > Check the corp description, or the blog at ironfleet.com
Jim Bridger > It will answer all your questions
Jim Bridger > Short answer: if it floats in space, we salvage it
Torredon Schreck > ok i see
Jim Bridger > Been a pleasure bantering with you, but I gotta go. Ironfleet out.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Marlenus went back in a Badger II and hauled the ore, which they had left unmolested in the Ironfleet jetcan. So the operation was, as usual, a success.

So today, I filed my first-ever EVE petition.

I avoid lag, I try to be careful, and I’m pretty willing to accept losses imposed by an imperfect gaming environment. So, in about a year of play, I’ve never felt the need to petition.

So, today. Saw a full can of ore. Went to haul some. Hauled some. Went back. Hauled some more. Docked.

Looked at local. Whoa, smack city!

LordThyGod > fuck you
Takeda Shiko > Uh?
LordThyGod > Martelenus is stealing ym ore byt the transprt full!@
Takeda Shiko > That was random and… vulgar…
LordThyGod > Marlenus
LordThyGod > So do veterans often steal ore in 30 mil ships?
LordThyGod > bitch ass baiter
Takeda Shiko > zowie
Ebodhisatva > lol
Takeda Shiko > Maybe he’s guilty as charged?
Ebodhisatva > why should he?
Ebodhisatva > he’d rather get blown to pieces
Marlenus > LOL, was busy hauling ore
Ebodhisatva > roflmao
Baron Kalan > /emote sniggers
Ebodhisatva > so you find a nice filled can
Ebodhisatva > and just take it
LordThyGod > coke on a can of quafe and die loser
Marlenus > Was a couple of full cans full, needed multiple trips
Takeda Shiko > Marlenus, that’s just wrong.
Marlenus > Obviously, I disagree
Takeda Shiko > I’m sorry that you think it’s funny
Ebodhisatva > that is indeed like leaving your brand new porsche running while being away
LordThyGod > thats my hard work jerk
Ebodhisatva > man i’d take it for a spin
Marlenus > No, the funny part was that folks think I’d be reading local while I was busy working
Takeda Shiko > Obviously, you’re a jackass, too… but whatever
Marlenus > Salvage is my profession, I take it very seriously
Ebodhisatva > lord, get some secure cans
Ebodhisatva > than you’ll be safe
Ebodhisatva > that is like making sure your new porsche is locked when you leave it
LordThyGod > THIEVING IS YOUR PROFESSION
Takeda Shiko > Salvage is blowing stuff up and using a salvager… ripping people off is stealing. And it reflects on you and your corp.
LordThyGod > you just liek to pick fight dont you?
Takeda Shiko > *Shrugs* Doesn’t matter to me too much though… different strokes and all that.
LordThyGod > want me to fire so you can come back in a BS
Ebodhisatva > it’s even better, you get to kill him
Marlenus > Agree that it reflects on my corp — have you read the corporate description? This is what we do.
Ebodhisatva > he steals and you can kill him!
LordThyGod > I hope you get banned
Ebodhisatva > that is really neat!
LordThyGod > Not when he has 7 months on me
Takeda Shiko > Unfortunately, Lord, this game has a lot of room for griefers.
LordThyGod > gotta pick on the newbs
LordThyGod > what a loser
Ebodhisatva > just kill him!
Ebodhisatva > get some friends and hunt him down!
LordThyGod > a yerar in the game and he cant make money on his own he has to steal ore
Takeda Shiko > What’s sad is he’s doing it in Higher Sec spcae
Takeda Shiko > space*
Takeda Shiko > You expect this in low sec space
Takeda Shiko > “Check me out, I just ripped off a newb! Look at all my SCORDITE!”
Ebodhisatva > ow man, if it is red in my overview, he’s screwed
Ebodhisatva > you can even wardec him
LordThyGod > I know
Ebodhisatva > it’ll cost 50 mill, but it feels soooo good
Ebodhisatva > you can hunt him down the whole frecking week
abissshooter > lol
Ebodhisatva > hell, you can even give privateer alliance 50 mill to do it for you
Dranoel > I’d kick your ass if this were RL.
Ebodhisatva > man, he won’t ever leave station
Ebodhisatva > ever
Dranoel > Nope
Takeda Shiko > Yeah, most jerkies that my old corp put a hit out on just sat in a station and played an alt
Takeda Shiko > wow… Marlenus is the CEO of the corp… of 7 members… why am I not surprised?

So far, so normal. A bunch of smack, I defend myself lightly, that triggers a lot more smack, I can deal with that. But then came the interesting part. Tell me what you think:

Dranoel > Do you liek dev’s Marlenus ?
Dranoel > Do you knwo I”m part of ISD?
Dranoel > You’ve picked a bad ememy to make.
Takeda Shiko > ISD?
Dranoel > Interstellar Services Department.
Dranoel > I hope you liek getting podded.
Takeda Shiko > Hmm… enlighten me please?
Dranoel > :)
Dranoel > We handle bugs, pettions, the help chennel and the rookie channels.
Takeda Shiko > and griefers in 0.7 space?
Dranoel > And update testing.

…

Dranoel > Thieves in RL get thier faces stommped in for stealing from me.
Dranoel > Gonna come out now that the timers over?
Dranoel > OR are you gonna keep hiding in your T@ ship
Dranoel > T2 indy just for stealing ore
Takeda Shiko > Baron, the point in question isn’t that he stole ore… it’s that he is a much more powerful veteran character stealing from a newer character in High Sec space… it’s just… tasteless
Dranoel > Thats dedication to being an asshole
Dranoel > Don’t worry, my friends in ISD will make him lose far more isk than he will gain from that ore. :D

…

Dranoel > aw he came abck!
Dranoel > Gotta run from em cause I’m not in a Osprey?
Marlenus > Right, because a transport ought to stay and fight with a battlecruiser, that would be very smart.
Dranoel > ^ Ore thief
Marlenus > Salvager, if you please
Dranoel > Smart is not stealing from ISD
Dranoel > I don’t please
Marlenus > Smart is not getting banned for threatening to abuse the powers of the volunteers
Dranoel > I hope you die a firey death at the hands of my friends.
Dranoel > I’m not threatening
Dranoel > I’m promising
Dranoel > They volunteered

Now, don’t get me wrong. So far as I know, the ISD volunteers do good work and they don’t have many special powers to abuse, if any. So I consider this an empty threat.

But I do know that CCP Games cannot afford, just now, to have people running around claiming “special connections” and threatening people with the abuse of those connections. The game doesn’t need that.

Or so it seems to me. I filed a petition and attached the logs, just in case.

Back to local, where (if you can believe it) they were still smacking me.

Marlenus > OK, petition filed
Takeda Shiko > Wow… my first petition?
Takeda Shiko > or just against Dranoel?
Marlenus > You’ve done nothing petitionable that I know of
Dranoel > Prolly me but it wont go anywhere.
Takeda Shiko > Well, i DID use a naughty word.
Marlenus > But claiming to be in ISD or to abuse ISD “powers” is banning offense
Takeda Shiko > *blushes*
Marlenus > Lotsa naughty words in the world, I’m a big boy
Takeda Shiko > Fair enough
Dranoel > Telling you that my friends in ISD are on the hunt for you, is not.
Marlenus > But that’s not what you said. No worries, gms will sort it out. I don’t care if anything happens to you, I just want them to be aware that ISD is being used as a threat.
Dranoel > I didn’t threaten you eith them
Dranoel > I warned you
Dranoel > i didn’t make the decision
Marlenus > Not my call

Which it isn’t. But I do know that the “Suspension and Ban Policy” states:

5. IMPERSONATING AN OFFICIAL EVE REPRESENTATIVE

Severe offenses may result in an immediate ban without warning; however, warnings may be given for first time offenses, followed by account suspensions of varying degree and ultimately a permanent ban if a player:

* a. Presents himself as a CCP employee, game master or other customer service representative, or a member of the EVE volunteer program.

And I’d say the claim that “Do you knwo I”m part of ISD?” sounds like presenting himself as a member of the Eve volunteer program.

One final gem from the smack, which continued at length, until a new party entered the system and became curious about it:

Felgor > Did soemoen go boom?
Daloron > nope someone did steal
Marlenus > No, but some jettisoned ore went home to a hangar the mining ship never left from.
Daloron > from a newb
Takeda Shiko > I don’t think so, but marlenus ripped someone off.
Marlenus > Mining barge does not equal newb I wouldn’t think.
Felgor > Sounds like Marlenus will soon have a bounty on his head :P
Takeda Shiko > psh… bounties are just collected by a buddy
Dranoel > Brought a Badger II JUST to steal form me
Marlenus > No point in salvaging jettisoned ore in a small ship.
Raest > that’s the spirit
Dranoel > If I had fired, he gets 15 mins to attack me in w/e ship he wants
Marlenus > Ya gotta move that stuff in industrial quantities if you want to see a decent profit.
Dranoel > I had planned on it but you stole it befor ei Could
Dranoel > I was there in my BADGER II EMPTING THE CAN WHEN YOU STOELL IT!

So many comebacks, but I was laughing too hard to type. So I let it drop with a LOL, and moved on.

So the bold newbie killers from The Griefer’s Alliance actually came and found me today, as I was tooling about in an unarmed Heron doing some exploration. Naturally enough I docked, and went on about my business on another computer screen, curious how patient they’d be.

Inevitably, we conversed in local. Tiny sample:

Philix > Dude ... come on even you know smack talks ghey
Marlenus > And blowing up Ibises for a living is what, exactly?


Needless to say, he moved rapidly on to the topic of my obvious cowardice, based on my failure to to come out and fight three battlecruisers with my trusty probe launcher in one high slot and my salvager in the other.

These are some bleedin’ heros, I tell you.

So yesterday they declare war, last night I got a stomach flu that put me in a foul mood, and today I get a convo from the official shakedown man for The Griefer’s Alliance. Of course, he’s just trying to help me, by making me an offer I can’t refuse.

Only, I can:

korlel > hi
Marlenus > Hello
korlel > lokk mate i cant be botherd with tihs war
Marlenus > So drop it already?
Marlenus > *I* didn't start it.
korlel > my co wont
Marlenus > LOL, get a better corp?
Marlenus > Because you guys are just lame anyway
korlel > but i have some say in this corp
korlel > look mate dont think where weak
Marlenus > I've seen all the ibises on the killboard, you can't be weak if you can slaughter ibises
Marlenus > Zero respect here, that's just how it is
korlel > cool
korlel > im not here to pick a fight
Marlenus > No, you guys already picked it. So, what can I do for you?
korlel > look im here behind my co's back
korlel > he dont know im talking to u
Marlenus > And you want...?
korlel > im trying to sort it out
Marlenus > I'm listening, but this war is all you guys, don't really see what I can do to help "sort it out"
korlel > you can help alot it's only u that can help
Marlenus > Yes?
korlel > 200mil and ur free
Marlenus > LOL, LOL, LOL, no
korlel > you like sitting in a station
Marlenus > You guys never leave Kisogo
Marlenus > And I am very mobile
Marlenus > You'll never see me if I don't want you to
Marlenus > And I'll never give you any sport
korlel > lol
Marlenus > This war dec has ZERO effect on me
Marlenus > Eventually you'll get tired of paying the bill and drop it, everyone does
Marlenus > I don't do PvP
Marlenus > So, that would be "no."
korlel > lmao
korlel > we have been to ur hq
Marlenus > I've seen your killboard, you don't have a single kill outside the newbie areas
korlel > we can find u anywhere in eve
Marlenus > Sure you can, and when you do, I'll be nine jumps away. Have fun with that.
Marlenus > Oh, sure, I might lob a few missiles at you from extreme range on days when I'm bored, but I don't take my ships in harm's way, never have.
Marlenus > With warp to zero and a good set of bookmarks, you can't hurt me if I don't want to fight
Marlenus > And I don't
Marlenus > This is not my first wardec
Marlenus > I'm a salvager, we're not popular
Marlenus > But nobody's ever had any joy out of me
Marlenus > One guy even hired Murder Death Kill to come after me, they never even managed to get in the same local grid as me
Marlenus > The war is a joke and a waste of your money, even if you were'nt a bunch of newbie-popping self-confessed griefers.
korlel > lkk at killbord again ull notice a few names on there
Marlenus > Sorry, but you simply don't have any credibility, too many dead Ibises on your killboard
Marlenus > It was seven Ibises out of ten kills last time I looked
korlel > maybe but that is a few members of this cor and even the aliance
Marlenus > Including your ceo
korlel > he helps us
Marlenus > You need *help* popping newbies?
Marlenus > This just gets funnier and funnier
korlel > it would cost more to get mercs in
Marlenus > Look, you're wasting my time. Ironfleet does not pay tribute, never has, never will. And we don't respect newbie killers. So drop the wardec if you don't want the war, or don't drop it, but I don't have much more to say on the subject.
korlel > look at our wars we havent lost
Marlenus > You're not going to *lose* this one either, because I'm not going to fight. It takes two to tango. But you're not going to *win*, either.
Marlenus > You're just wasting your money, and I might get lucky, that destroyer of Pacca's will pop pretty quick if I catch him at the right heavy missile range.
korlel > ok fine i tried to help you
Marlenus > LOL, extortion demands are not "help"
Marlenus > Ironfleet out

I checked these boys out earlier today, they were hanging around Kisogo in three battlecruisers and a destroyer. Ironfleet doesn’t have the combat power to engage them, but it doesn’t matter; they’d have to hunt me for weeks to catch me, and they won’t give up that much newbie-popping.

LOL, I’ve had war declared upon me by an outfit called The Griefer’s Alliance. Looking at their public killboard, sounds like the name sure fits! As of this moment, seven of their ten most recent ship kills are…wait for it…Ibises.

Phear the mighty newbie slayers!

Update: Note that these lamers don’t show Ibis kills on the the front page of their killboard. But if you follow the “Stats” link to this page, you get to see the more honest presentation in all its Ibis-killing glory.